Categories
Stories They are Smol

Smol Doctors at Large – Chapter 6

30 Hours almost always seems like a long time.

Well. If you want to be pedantic about it, then we’d have to define almost every word in there except 30. And “a”. Point is, 30 hours is a long time if you have nothing to do but hurry up and wait. And hurrying was something that a group of humans was doing, if only because everything was so frickin’ far away from everything else, and the newest addition to the hospital was, of course, the furthest thing away from anything around it. Somehow.

“I really… don’t think we’re going to get a good group this time.” Tiny-chomper-lookit-him-jump – eer, RN Than mo Tran said, idly rolling his arm to work out a persistent kink in his shoulder as he power-walked with the group. “The ones that remained were either spooky or squeamish.”

“Spooky will leave.” Tiny-chomper-needle-poke, AKA RN. James Wilson said, drawing in a sharp intake of breath to mask the power-walk struggle. “Squeamish is the issue. We haven’t even given them the rugber beggie bebbie breakies ye-”

“The. Rubber. Breaky. Baby. Bodies.” Tiny-chomper-sassy-slaps (and you would get those slaps if you called her that, so instead use her human name of) RN Laverne Roberts said between panting breaths, doing her best to follow the group. “And if I had known. You wanted me to get. My 10,000 steps in. 5 minutes. Doctor. I would have worn. Tennis shoes. Instead of flats today.”

“Look I’m sorry but we do have a tight schedule.” Dr. Nicholas Silver said, breathing heavy himself as he rounded the corner with his group on his heels. “Point being, I think we’ll get one… maybe two out of this group. Five would be stellar.”

Than mo gave a little half-jog to catch up before slowing back down to the breakneck walking pace. “Five would be excellent, but I doubt it. We’ve only got 7 out of the past three months; at this rate we’ll be an ambitious day clinic forever.”

“7 is better than nothing.” Dr. Silver said, checking his watch. “We should be arriving on-time for our preliminary walk-through…” Rounding yet another corner, the sound of footfall-on-tile turned to footfall-on-padded-plastic, the signs of new construction suddenly springing into existence. Down yet another unfortunately long hallway, a safety-vested Jornissian rested, talking idly with a few of her construction crew, including quite a few humans. Whatever the conversation was seemed to be a good one, as the crew was listening with rapt attention to their foreman – eer. Forewoman. Forenissian?

“[And then, so I say, Hey honey – if you’re that solid on the outside, how about we see how solid you are when you’re insi-]”

“Please. God. Not. Today.”

The Jornissian straightened up as Laverne panted out her exhaustion, coming to a stop a few yards behind the rest of her group. The rest of the crew immediately found something important to do and dispersed, letting the Jornissian team captain handle the spotlight all on her own. “[I… was not expecting you to arrive on time, Doctor. Nurses.]” The forenissian said, sheepishly bowing her shoulders slightly. “[Uh, usually it takes quite some time unassisted for your people to make it from point A to point B, as it were, so-]”

“What. Do you. Mean. Our. People?!” Laverne said, leaning heavily against the wall as she caught her breath, slumping down onto one of the still-covered-in-plastic-wrap benches in the waiting hallway.

“[I-I mean, just, your legs are so tiny-]”

“Look, I don’t know about you, but I don’t skip my calf raises. Point being, we have a tight schedule, so how about we just get to it – did the package arrive?”

The Jornissian looked at Dr. Silver flatly. “[Yes, it did. We set it up just down the hall-]”

There was a groan from the waiting hall bench behind him, and Dr. Silver sighed. “How far?”

The Jornissian team captain pointed to a small nearby alcove. With quick, purposeful steps Dr. Silver closed the gap, letting out a little laugh of joy – or relief. “Thank GOD. You’d think they’d give us more of these things, considering we’re going to be chronicallly understaffed for the near future…]”

“[If you don’t mind me asking, what is it?]”

“No way – that’s a Medical, Environmental, Defensive Inferrance Binural Omnidirectional Thinking assistant!” RN. James Wilson cooed, stepping around the confused Jornissian to look at the piece of high-tech equipment. “Who the hell did you bribe to get us a MEDIBOT, cap’n?”

Dr. Silver laughed again, flipping a switch on the MEDIBOT’s side. Round eyes glowed bright blue, the hum of internal machinery kicking into drive.

MED-I-BOT.” Medibot so helpfully said, earning a pat on the head from the good Doctor.

“I just showed central our dismal pass rates, and they decided to let one of these top-of-the-line robots come out to little ol’ nowhere, Gentle Expanse.” Dr. Silver said, as Medibot whirred loudly. “They originally forecasted a massive volume of students, which – sure, they were right. But the fail rate was something central didn’t plan for, so.” Nick gave Medibot another pat on it’s antenna, and the tin-can looking assistant robot stood up.

“MED-I-BOT.” Medibot suggested, raising it’s grabber arms forward in the universal symbol of “hug me please.” Or possibly “ex-ster-min-ate”… it was very hard to tell.

“Ah. So you basically pointed out that we’re chronically understaffed even with 400,000 applicants.” Laverne called out, the wind finally back in her sails. “Bout damn time they started to listen to us out here.”

Medibot whirred to life, it’s cylindrical base starting to fan out and slowly vacuum the floor underneath as it trundled it’s way across the hallway, bumping into the wall, turning 15 degrees and moving further down into the construction pathway. The Jornissian looked at the humans… questioningly. “[That’s… That’s a medical robot?]”

“Yes. What?”

Medibot gently bumped into a potted plant, turning another 15 degrees and continuing his way down the corridor.

“[I just… um. That seems like very odd behavior for a medical drone.]”

Dr. Silver shrugged. “His father was a roomba, you see.”

And with that serving as the only explanation, the group followed Medibot further into the freshly-built Human medical wing.

Juan Esteban coughed, once, clearing his throat, and frowned. His office was mostly silent, save for the whir from the HVAC system kicking into higher gear as it attempted to filter the outside air before circulating it indoors. For the first few months of the illegal burns it did fine; the weather hadn’t shifted to be a bother, and the fragrance was even something sickly-sweet when the wind blew the green-blue smoke over his property. When this all started, at least there were companies – shell companies, sometimes – that would be monitoring the situation on the ground.

Now?

Now sometimes they had to keep the livestock inside because the smoke was so bad, and there was never anyone around to call and bitch to. Nobody wanted to admit fault to a wildfire, especially to nobody in code enforcement, but Juan had a sneaking suspicion that some palms were greased and greed was making men do stupid things. The new MO seemed to be setting large patches of wild acreage alight at random, see what turns up once the coals died down… but these fires were started and then abandoned, and damn the consequences to any bystanders.

But who would stop them? Who could blame them?

It’s not Juan’s land – it’s not anyone’s land – there’s no infrastructure damage, no danger of life lost, the forest would need to be cleared anyway for new development, and Mothing was an incredibly nascent and lucrative industry to get into.

“[…So, as your people say, my hands are tied.]”

Juan rolled his eyes at the screen, raising his arms in exasperation. “Persimmon, come on. Wiggles has to have filled you in on what we’re facing here! Hell, AQI puts the PM in the air well into the orange and red zones some days! I’ve had to send half my family home – not to the farmhouses, but back to Silver City – and -” Juan paused to clear his throat, which turned into a wet cough attack.

“[…you should get that looked at.]” The Jornissian on the other end of the screen said, tilting his body to the side slightly in thought. “[That can’t be healthy-]”

“Fucking exactly, Persimmon! This shit – ahem – only started once the burning got out of control! You NEED to do something! Central NEEDS to do something-”

The Jornissian sighed, the low bass rumble from the speakers rattling Juan’s desk slightly. “[Juan, I’ve said this before. What am I going to do? Have the fire brigades patrol every stretch of abandoned land on the planet? Do we have the PDF pull over and arrest every solo transport that lands in the wilderness? Are we to start tracking every transport on the planet that leaves any metro area, and put a satellite on them for their duration?]” With a copied exasperated Jornissian shimmy, Persimmon let his arms rest on the table. “[Juan, I want to help you – I’m serious, I do – and we stopped those registered companies from doing controlled burns near your livestock. Those who didn’t obey were fined, or had their licenses revoked. I can help you with legal activity, but I can’t do anything about illegal activity.]”

Juan cleared his throat, drinking deeply from a close bottle of water. “Ah, look. Persimmon, I know, and I appreciate you helping – but damnit, I can’t run a business like this if I have to keep everything shut up and my people can’t breathe!”

“[But it’s just the human population, correct?]”

“Yes! Which is an issue when Mothing is basically a human-only sport, Persimmon! I’m thankful for the hired hands, but I’ve had to shutter classes for the rest of the month, the air’s so bad – and on days when it’s good everything still smells like smoke! Fuck’s sake, Wiggles and the temps have spent every clear day scrubbing down everything just so it smells normal again, and I’m replacing 90 day filters every single week!” Juan leaned forward, raising one hand in a pleading gesture. “Do you have any idea how bad it is for everything when you bring a school full of kids to your farm and every single one of them goes home sneezing?!

Persimmon looked at Juan with pity, shaking his head in a very human-like gesture. “[I understand the frustration, friend, but I can’t help you. You have to keep lodging burn complaints with the PDF. At some point, if you can show enough of a business loss we can start looking into it, but you are, so far, the only businesssuffering.]”

“So what, we wait until the smoke hits Silver City – and then what, suddenly everything will be taken care of? Once my farm’s written off because nobody can stand to live or work here from the fires?!

Persimmon looked down at his desk, thoughtfully. “[I can help you apply for some emergency relief funds-]”

“GOD-just…” Juan’s outburst earned him another coughing fit, and he held up a hand to stop his friend from worrying. “Keh-It’s, khm, fine. Just – sore throat from all this…”

The silence was punctuated by a few errant coughs, the HVAC whining to full steam in the lull.

“Yeah. I’d like to apply for those loans, Persimmon.”

“[I’m sorry-]”

“I know.” Juan sighed, running his fingers through his thick black hair, a few errant strands coming away with his hand. “I know. Thank you.”

Persimmon tapped at his console, bringing up a few documents that he shared on the screen. “[Certainly, Juan. So, the first is a grant for non-agriculture payroll…]”

The wiring in the Human hospital wing was perfect. O2, H2O, H2O2 and various other more exotic gases and liquids wound themselves in insulated coils behind pristine walls, the only indication that they existed were the outlets to plug in the necessary machinery of the moment.

Speaking of the machines, they were all lined up, ready to use – the pinnacle of human medical technology. Each one a semi-autonomous beast, capable of helping the doctor or nurse on call to identify medication dosages properly, administer them, notify of conflicting side-effects, keep patients updated, update the line nurse as to patient statuses, and even perform certain life-saving tasks automatically if the AI’s subroutine figured a human was too far away to help.

Speaking of help, Medibot was there too. So that’s nice.

However, once you’ve checked the machines, wheeled them into either storage or the first few rooms, gone through diagnostics and let Medibot help there was just nothing else to do, and as we covered earlier, 30 hours is a long time to hurry up and wait.

Than mo figured that while everyone else caught dinner, he could wander around the complex. The hospital, although still well within Silver City’s municipal area, was massive. Like, square-city-block massive, if Than mo was comparing the building to something found on a human colony. As he meandered around it slowly dawned on him why – the hospital was basically four hospitals inside one building; although some spaces could be shared, like dining or the waiting room, others had to be purpose-built: an examination pad for a Jornissian was useless for a Karnakian, for example. This duplication of effort was found in anything from door sizes to room layouts, down to individual medical devices and, laughibly enough, cotton swabs. Well. Cotton-analogues.

Point being, Than mo wasted a few hours meandering the halls, stepping out of the way of other professionals, and making light small talk with the visitors as he explored. He was never lost, per se – every wing and every floor had helpful kiosks to point him in whatever direction he wanted to go – and if he did get turned around, there were dozens of people willing to “help him get to where he needed to be”.

Why some of them wanted to carry him there was beyond him.

And so Than mo wasted time, and explored, and pondered, and stole from vending machines using that flap trick until he found himself face-to-face with a very very excited Karnakian.

“So… what’s all this here?”

“[Oh! Why, it’s our day care center!]” T’ciki’briiki trilled happily, wiggling a little in place. “[Would you like for me to show you around?]”

Shrugging, Than mo rested his mountain of half-eaten snacks on the desk. “Sure! What harm could it do?”

Categories
Stories They are Smol

They are Smol Doctors at Large – Chapter 5

Big was big.

Big was big because she was big. This one was not as big as big, or as big as sisters. This one was runt, but it was ok. This one knew when to burrow and when to wiggle and when to cry and Dad was close and Dad was safety. This one let Big be Big because it was small, and it did not want to fight.

Big was big. Big was also leader. This one knew to follow Big and to play with sisters and to burrow and to wiggle and Dad was close and Dad was safety, but Dad was not here.

This meant no safety. So this one went to Big, because Big was big and Big would be safety. Big was angry and Big was fighting and Big was strong and Big attacked-!

. . .

Big was gone. This one was upset, and she and her sisters began to cry.

“?RARRR’ARASA’BGRAFNA?”

“|Gooootcha. Oooh, yes, ferocious, you’re a strong one aren’t you? Yes you are~|” T’ciki’briiki cooed gently, holding the largest and most feisty Dorarizin pup in her hands. She had handled enough pups through the decades to know how to handle the primordial pack mentality:

  (1) Get the biggest one first.

  (2) There is no .

T’ciki’briiki chuckled as the little girl ferociously ‘fought’ against her ministrations, the careworker looking the little pup over for any injuries or anything that would cause harm, accepting the bites and defiant clawing of little hands and teeth. Noting nothing, she turned and put the largest pup down on a warm table, making sure the rest of her currently-screaming family-pack could see. Quickly and with practiced ease, she wrapped the harness around the fussy toddler, securing the torso, then the arms, then the legs. Finished, she tapped a small, soft icon on the harness’ back, the RFID indicator beaming out a confirmation.

“?AWR’AAAGHAHGBA-?”

“|Aaah, yes, it isn’t the best color for your fur, but that will have to do.|” T’ciki’briiki smiled, lifting up the still-flailing-still-attacking pup and placing her back into the tram she came in with. As she deposited the largest pup, she reached in for the second largest, repeating the process. The pups still in the carriage greeted the largest one with inquisitive yips, bites and body-tackles, their screaming now only coming in intermittently as they remembered, then forgot, then remembered that they were missing someone. By the time the second toddler was suited up and tagged the screaming had started again, and T’ciki’briiki gently placed the second pup in the tram, pulling out the third. By the fourth or fifth time this had happened, most of the pups realized they were going to experience an altogether new sensation that wasn’t going to kill them, so outside of the general “that’s my purse I don’t know you” wiggling that happened whenever they were picked up, the screaming died down.

“|Aaah, and you, little one.|” T’ciki’briiki cooed, pulling out the runt of the litter. Although every so often – especially in larger litters – there would be a runt, it really didn’t carry over into later in life. A few good years of hearty meals and all kids grew up big and strong, but until then there would be runts and stunts and baldies and all sorts of little adorable quirks that T’ciki’briiki could exploit. Case in point, the runt of this litter didn’t even fight and almost leaned back, accepting whatever fate would befall it.

T’ciki’briiki smiled widely and gently rubbed the girl’s head, the soft babyfur between the ears tickling the nub of her finger near her shaved-down claws. “|Aww, you’re the livelyberry of the bunch, aren’t you?|”

“?ABLBL.?” Livelyberry responded, splaying out on the table and giving almost no fuss to being suited up. T’ciki’briiki gently placed the runt in with the rest of the litter and closed the canopy, letting them get used to being together again and being safe again.

Then she wheeled them right into the middle of the playpen.

Big was big and Big was strong and Big was safe and Big was yelling. This one knew as much, and played with her sisters as they were all safe again and everything smelled like Dad and it was ok, but Big was yelling. This one did not know why, and so was determined to play with Big because sisters were all here and it smelled like Dad and it was safe. Moving forward as rapidly as this one could, she tackled Big in the way toddlers do, which is less a coordinated move and more bumping into and then falling ontop of her sister. It was at this point that this one knew why Big was still yelling.

There were others outside. Non-sisters. And some of them…

…were Big.

Dr. Nicholas Silver continued to cast his gaze over the group of hopefuls that remained before him. As was to be expected, the sudden shock of trauma – bloody, screaming trauma – was not something their class was prepared for, and that was entirely the whole point. As an ER surgeon, you could be spending a couple hours just fucking around with friends, handling some of the more benign cases, and then suddenly there was a tram crash and you’ve got 15 people headed for your doors in the next 5 minutes. You never got to pick and choose what happened, when it happened, or how it happened – only what you were going to do, when you were going to do it and how you were going to save those people who came in through your doors.

Everyone – from Hospital Administrator to the Janitor – needed to be aware of how things worked, and needed to be aware of what they were going to see. You never got a head’s up, so… well.

Why should the trainees?

To this class’ credit, only a third of them immediately left the room. That always piqued Nick’s curiosity; what did they think they were volunteering for? It’s a Hospital for God’s sake, not a coffee shop. Did they sign up expecting, what, that they’d get to play bedside nurse to non-emergency patients only? To physically leave – that was an immediate fail, as it should be, and Nicholas pushed them out of his mind.

The bottom third, the ones that kept their eyes on the screen with rapt attention – those were the ones that worried Nick. Some revulsion was good, especially coming from a civilian life, as they all had, so to show none… It’s one thing to focus, but it’s another thing entirely to almost revel in the spectacle splayed out before them. These were people, after all, not imaginary things, and being too detached from you work… although it helped you to get through the day, it wasn’t good to totally dehumanize your patients. This group would whittle down quite substantially: there would be those who would pass the course, certainly, but a majority would fail just by lack of empathy. Bedside manner was just as important as the ability to not let things get to you. Balance, in everything.

That left the middle third. The middle third… was always the ones that would be the meat of the passing class, but were the hardest to read. They’re civilians, so none are expected to be stone-cold efficient machines… but they’re also expected to keep calm under pressure and do what they’re instructed. Empathy, yes, and in spades, but also a cool head. Some would fall too far on either side of the spectrum and weed themselves out, but those that stuck around would usually be the right stuff to join the team.

If they stuck around. So few… made it.

‘Case in point.’ Thought Dr. Silver, as he saw a Dorarizin male grimacing at his terminal. As far as he could tell the intern didn’t even have his eyes open, but he was at least still sitting down, still …listening to what was going on.

“For everyone who still remains, congratulations. You’ve survived the class’ first great culling.” Dr. Silver said a bit too dramatically, earning him a light chuckle from RN. Laverne Roberts. “Point being, this may mimic one of your typical work days. You might be working in the infant ward, and then pulled into trauma. You might be performing life-saving treatment on a teenager, then helping an elder with a prosthetic fitting. We don’t know what will happen on any given day, and medical technology has only progressed so far – if it were perfect, Hospitals wouldn’t even exist for your our kind, let alone yours. Dr. Solid-” Nick nodded towards the elderly Jornissian Doctor, who gave a little wave, “-will back me up on this, because he’s lived it with Jornissian patients as well. You must be able to handle yourself, to keep your cool, and to follow orders. The class’ first day was meant to reflect that.”

The video ended, and Dr. Silver gave the interns a few moments to compose themselves. There were a few sobs, a few sighs, and a few people staring intently at the lectern. Hm.

Tipo’s eyes were screwed shut so hard that they ached. The tiny-chomper lost her infant, apparently, and after that they tried to save someone who was involved in a vehicle accident. After that, chemical sickness. After that, burns.

After that, he just shut his eyes.

Ngruzren focused on his breathing as various orders were barked into his ears, the cries of patients filled the spaces, and the sounds of odd machines punctuated any silence that the video would give. He didn’t turn away; well, he couldn’t, really – he needed to be there, to see this, but

But it was way too much.

The sudden silence as the video was cut off didn’t register for the first few moments, and eventually the translated voice of a tiny-chomper started to speak to him about keeping cool, maintaining focus, handling pressure…

Tipo sighed, and opened his eyes, focusing on the lectern at the bottom of the amphitheater. Dr. Tiny-chomper-wiggle-hands was talking as if nothing happened – as if all that pain and suffering wasn’t real, and for a brief moment Ngruzren hoped that was the case; that this was a prank, that it was a trick, and that he was signing up for a normal job. For once.

“[-So I think that’s all we should cover for today. We’d like for you to return here, roughly 30 hours from now, for day two’s lecture. Your homework-]”

Wait. Homework?

“[-will be to review the basic CPR and Triage Handbooks for your respective species. Also, you are to review the first [Olympus Mons] shuttle crash footage, and give us a write-up over what physical trauma you notice come through the doors, and how the tiny-chomper medics responded. That information will be downloaded to your Hospital account within the next hour. No Questions. Good.]” Dr. Tiny-chomper-wiggle-hands gave the group a little bow, and raised the lights, making small talk with the other medical professionals as he did so.

How could… how could they just do that? Act as if nothing had happened? Act as if it was all so normal?! If something like this happened to his pups, Ngruzren would never forgive hi-

Wait.

HIS PUPS-

This one did not know where Big went, but that was ok; there was another Big and this Big was fighting another Big and that was ok too. So many Bigs meant so many safes and it didn’t smell like Dad but that was ok too. This one was surrounded by a lot of new-sisters and some new-not-sisters, and they were her size and some were larger and some were smaller and it was ok the burrow was warm. A new-sister squealed as this one burrowed past her, the sensation of new-sisters following in her burrow-wake a welcome one.

Potat. Together. Strong.

One of Ngruzen’s pups gave a little squeal of joy as it sank into the burrow-pit, and T’ciki’briiki laughed. To be so young again, so free! Ah, it was adorable. Idly she scanned the rest of the Dorarizin-den; There were a few larger pups fighting each other – no blood, no pain, so it was no concern – and a few on the mound taking turns knocking each other off into the burrow pit below – where the younger of her charges would grab onto the harness and pull the victim into the soft fabric loam.

T’ciki’briiki smiled and leaned back, looking over her monitors. Her shift was Dorarizin today; her colleagues were handling Jornissian and Karnakian, and then tomorrow they’d rotate, per usual. Hundreds of sensors embedded into… well, everything was pouring data back to her terminal, and everything appeared normal. Well. There was urine in some spots, a few ferocious fights, some broken toys and a bunch of food paste smeared over the walls, so everything was normal for the certain age group that she was monitoring. With a content sigh T’ciki’briiki cupped her mug of hot tea, tipping it up to take a sip.

It was at this point, of course, that the new father and hypochondriac-for-his-kids Ngruzen somehow slammed open the automatic sliding door, his body still skidding to a halt from what was apparently a breakneck sprint to the nursery.

T’ciki’briiki had seen it all, and made a point to gently sip her tea, unflinching. “|Good first day?|”

“[MY BABIES.]”

T’ciki’briiki chuckled and gently placed her mug down on her desk, keying in a few commands. The clear window-screen behind her turned slightly opaque, the pups who were wearing the harnesses of a particular RFID signal started to glow on-screen. “|As you can see, alive and well! Somehow they survived through snack time too. Should I go get-|”

“[NO! No, please, let me just… let me hold them, please. I’ll go an-]”

Now, T’ciki’briiki knew that she shouldn’t let the new father into the playpen. She knew that her supervisors knew, and she knew that doing so would probably mean a write-up.

It would also make for excellent security camera footage.

“|Sure. Your pups are in the orange vests.|” With a few keystrokes, the door slid open, the sounds and smells of a couple dozen toddler Dorarizin flooding the waiting area. Ngruzen made it a good… 10 feet in, and possibly got to one of his own pups, before there was a noticeable shift.

You see, when you are a father picking up your own pups, your own pups react in a certain way. The other pups pick up on that, and any father is a good father when you’ve been abandoned by your parents since before snacktime, and so…

As Ngruzen kneeled to hug his smallest daughter, he was slowly encompassed by pups not his own. By the time he realized what was happening, it was far too late.

With a squealing chorus of joy, Ngruzen was slowly absorbed into the pup-mound as they lept, crawled and burrowed into him from all directions.

T’ciki’briiki would give it about 15 minutes before going into rescue him… the poor dear seemed like he needed the comfort.

Categories
Stories They are Smol

They are Smol Doctors at Large – Chapter 4

Ik’itili idly kicked her legs in the soft dirt, her work-booted heels making little ruts in the ground. Her leggings were already dirty from fighting that evil Terror-beast, and the sudden voice call from Ngruzren was worth taking a bit of a break to catch up anyway. Admittedly, Ik’itili was hoping to get the gang back together and start hanging out again; ever since Ngruzren had his pups he dropped off the face of the earth…

“[-So then they showed this video of a baby little-needs-protecting and it couldn’t stand and kept falling over-]”

…but she hadn’t been able to get a word in edgewise for the past 15 minutes.

“|-ok so-|”

“[-aaaaa and they weigh like nothing at all so when the baby little-needs-protecting would fall it would just land with a pomf and then look around all confused and just-]”

Not that she’d want to – this was gold.

“ÖẘÖ”

As Ngruzren continued to babble about incredibly adorable things, Ik’itili gave the side eye to “Bench”, the evil terror-beast. Her manager, the other handlers, and every little-needs-protecting she ever ran into refused to admit the malice, the pure evil cunning that lay behind those compound eyes.

“ÖẘÖ?”

Ik’itili watched as the pure animalistic evil of the terror-beast’s machinations was made manifest; with malicious purpose Bench beat its’ wings, bumping his head against the aluminum canopy. The shock of the impact caused the animal to float down for just a moment… before evilly attempting it again.

Well. Assumedly evilly attempting it again. Point was, Ik’itili was not going to trust this animal ever, and it’s always better to err on the side of caution.

“|…especially with evil.|”

“[I’m sorry, what?]” Ngruzren said, the confusion of the statement stopping him mid-rant.

Ik’itili sat up on her haunches, slowly standing up to her full height, stretching the knots out of her legs. “|Nothing, nothing. I’m just… the last thing standing between civilized society and the beasts that prowl the night.|”

“[… wait I thought you were a farmhand-]”

“|I am an omni-agricultual facilitation engineer, non-sapient existence technician, bio-genetic disposal professional and a class 2 rated biological assistant.]”

[Yeah. You plant crops, tend animals, shovel shit and are a cheap, talking forklift.]”

Ik’itili paused for a moment, then shrugged. “|. . . Yeah well black fur on you is tacky.|”

There was an over-exaggerated gasp from her friend, followed by a stream of faux-insults. Ik’itili smiled as she walked out of the cage, making a point to look as pure and innocent as possible.

She knew. She knew the mind of evil.

“[-three-feathered crest! That’s what I get for befriending a south-side degenerate like yourself! I bet you’re still sending primary pictures to guys you like-]”

Ik’itili ignored the playful rant, continuing to pretend to be innocent, which, of course, she was. The gentle bonking subsided, and there was an inquisitive flap of wings-on-air.

Good.

“|Mmm, yes, yes. I learned it from you – what was that trick you used to do? Rip a few holes around your scarf so your mane would poke through-|”

Another gasp from her implant, and a playful growl. “[That was high fashion you computer nerd! I wouldn’t expect someone like you to understand art-]”

Another wingbeat, this time closer. Ik’itili looked down at her feet, the bright light of the arena casting shadows on the ground.

And one of those shadows grew closer. More defined.

3…

“[-ing to find anyone out there anyway and I doubt you’ll be more flexible as-]”

…2…

“[-flip the switch, the trolley car would just run over-]”

…1…

“[-lled himself Pickled Rick. It was the funniest thing-]”

NOW

“|RAAAAAAAAAAAAA-|” With a mighty roar, Ik’itili squatted and launched herself into the air, clearing the side-railing and the first few rows of bleacher seats, arcing her back and tilting her head to start a slow, controlled backflip. She had practiced this maneuver before because defeating evil and protecting the little-needs-protecting is what she did.

Well. That and resetting the farm’s router.

Òẘó?!” Went Bench, the evil terror-beast, as his natural inquisitive state betrayed him yet again; with a mighty thok Ik’itili slapped the bright blue helmet on the terror-beast’s head, the sound of two hollow coconuts slapping together ringing throughout the auditorium. Bench wobbled in his flight before landing on the ground, his wingbeats kicking up the dust around his form.

Ik’itili landed on her feet, one hand punching into the soft dirt, her muscles flexing as her body ate the force of impact.

“[WAO THAT WAS SO COOL-]”

“[Good heavens I had no idea you could jump that high-]”

“[Momma why did she talk to herself-]”

“[Look buddy if that’s how I have to get flight trained I’m leaving right now-]”

Ik’itili tensed and turned her head, letting out a nervous trill. Standing not 15 feet away from her was her first group of trainees… and the owner of the ranch, Juan Esteban, who was covering his face with his hands.

“|I can… explain.|”

“[Wiggles, you do know that Bench has a roosting command, right?]” Juan sighed, rubbing his forehead in exasperation.

“|Well yes, but-|”

“[And that if you had just closed the cage door he wouldn’t have gotten out? As protocol dictates whenever we suit up a terror-beast?]”

“|Certainly, but-|”

“[Not to mention, you haven’t suited up any of the other terror-beasts-]”

“|Well you see-|”

“ÖẘÖ.” Bench the moth added, idly walking along the dirt floor towards the group of little-needs-protectings.

Ik’itili pouted, pointing an accusing claw at the retreating fuzzy little bastard. “|You’re not helping-|”

“[Just… ok. Anyway.]” Juan turned towards the group of flight hopefuls, clapping his hands together. “[We’re a little short-staffed today, so Wiggles is going to be your trainer-]”

“[Wiggles!]” a few of the younger little-needs-protectings chanted, doing that full-body wiggle that made the name worthwhile. Ik’itili smiled, waving a hand in their greeting custom, as the parents and adults… smiled. Kindly.

“[-and before anyone gets concerned, yes, she is flight training rated. Today, however, we’re just going to be doing clutch training.]” Juan continued, reaching over to pet the helmeted head of Bench, the inquisitive moth, as the animal gently poked the humans’ leg.

“[As you can see, this is Bench, and he’s a very friendly fellow.]” Juan emphasized, staring pointedly at Ik’itili as she sassily snapped her teeth at him. “[He’s what we call a training moth; we make it a point to take some of every clutch and have them imprint on multiple people, and have our trainers re-enforce the same commands. This means that he will respond to commands given to him from anyone – as such, please only give commands when you’re in the pilot’s seat.]” Juan kneeled, clasping the helmet’s strap under the moth’s chin with a little click. Bench looked up at the human, somehow seeming more… determined.

“[Wiggles, if you’d continue explaining, I have to go help in the parlor. If anyone has any questions or concerns, Wiggles here is one of our best employees and will make sure you’re all safe and protected. With that-]”

“|Ah, yes. So. Today is clutching training, so nobody will actually be gaining altitude today. The goal of today’s training is to get you used to being …handled by these beasts in a safe and effective manner.|”

“[AAAAAA-]” Ngruzren suddenly yelled, being so kind as to remind his friend that he was still on the call.

“|NGY’’’AH!|” Ik’itili screeched, doing a full-body flail.

The little-needs-protectings flinched, a few of the adults tensing up in a fight-or-flight response. Juan, for his part, just… stared at his farmhand, silently mouthing ‘why can’t you be normal’.

. . .

“|…I can explain.|”

The Karnakian sat against the side of the training barn, sighing as the sun began to set and the wind shifted, the temperature starting to drop. She had finished her 5 hour fill-in, and was… exhausted wasn’t the right word, but the right word was definitely neighbors with it.

“Not bad.”

“[Hmm?]” Wiggles trilled, tilting her head to examine her boss. “[Listen, I know I’m not supposed to take calls on company time, but I wasn’t working with any heavy machinery-]”

“Nah, not that.” Juan said, sitting down next to his larger farmhand. “We all do it, hell, I’m making calls as I walk everywhere. You’re smart enough to know when to go on DND. I mean, more, we only had what, 6 ejections?”

“[I think it would have been fewer, but once we started practicing quick releases a few of our cadets kept angling themselves to be launched into the foam pit.]”

“It is fun, you have to admit.”

“[It’s fun to jump in, sure, but I’m not about to let a couple of those things work in tandem to drop me into a pit.]”

Juan whistled softly, and Wiggles furrowed her brow before relaxing. “That sounds like a terrifying amount of common sense.”

“[Yes, well. All in all, a good day? How did the cows fare?]”

“The girls are fine, but they’re getting spooked by the smoke coming in from the east.” Juan took off his hat, running his hand through his hair again in a worried tic. “I know we’re not going to keep a monopoly on this, I get it, that’s fine, but people are just clear-cutting and burning hectacres of land, sometimes even without a MOTHER in sight.”

“[Don’t you need a slew of permits to start a Moth hatchery?]”

Officially, yes.” Juan Esteban said, frowning. “But my brother, Juan, did some digging because our complaints to district weren’t getting anything done. Apparently they’re not burning to start a moth hatchery, but if a MOTHER just so happens to land and spawn in their bonfire as they’re “clearing” dead brush…”

[Ah.]” Wiggles said, nodding her crest. “[So they suddenly find themselves the ‘lucky’ owners of ‘wild’ moths…]”

Juan Esteban frowned. “There’s too much money for everyone involved right now – farmers, breeders, the entire industry… government too.” He reached down to run his hand through the brittle gray ‘grass’, tiny stalks breaking off in his grip. “They don’t pupate ‘em, Wiggles. They barely raise ‘em, and I’ve yet to see one actually trained. They grab too tight, they fly aggressive-

Wiggles smiled as Juan ranted; it was nice to see him so animated, so passionate about his work. As he continued to talk and complain about … well, a little bit about everything, the wind picked up. It would have been un-noticeable save for a gentle flurry of something that began to gently fall to the ground.

“[W…what?]”

“See? Damnit, what did I just say!” Juan growled, holding out his hand to catch some of the ash. “They’re burning the rooters too hot! A MOTHER doesn’t want to land on the fucking sun, she needs coals!” Juan stood up, coughing at the irritation. “Ah, fuck. Just great – I can’t tell if I’m coughing cause Jim got me fucking sick or if it’s this smoke shit…”

Wiggles hummed to herself, the sickly-sweet taste of the slightly-ashy air filling her lungs. “[Mmmm. I know a guy in code enforcement I could give a call-]”

“You get something about this done – I don’t care if they’re burning, but they don’t need to burn this close to my farm – and you get a month off with pay.”

“[Deal! I’ll give Persimmon a call.]”

“Oh! Oh yeah! How is that stick-in-the-mud doing, nowadays?”

The hallways were busy with the buzz of constant activity, the beeping of machines behind doorways, and of course, professionals moving to and fro in their daily rounds. However, none of them would be confused with anyone in Code Enforcement, because checking in on Persimmon is for next chapter, and we are, of course, in a Hospital.

Ngruzren kept chuckling to himself; Ik’itili was always a bit of a scatterbrain – brilliant, sure, but sometimes she just… forgot things. Forgot to carry an integer, forgot to load a level, or forgot that she was on a call and suddenly launching into a battle-scream would cause anyone else on the other end of the call to freak right out. Surrounded by people. In the cafeteria.

Ngruzren licked her thumb and smoothed out a food stain on his forearm; most of his snack found it’s way onto the ceiling, but a few errant drops on his clothing here or there were to be expected.

“[Well. I hope you all enjoyed your break.]” Dr. Hre’preshn said, cool eyes scanning across the room. “[Everyone’s paperwork is mostly in order, but we should be good to continue for the rest of the day. Everyone excited to continue orientation?]”

Dr. Hre’preshn smiled wide as there was a roar – a reasonable roar – of approval, palpable excitement in the air. “[Excellent, that’s exactly what we like to hear! Our tiny-chomper hosts should be returning in the next few minutes, so let’s all get set up beforehand. If you’ll all log into your consoles and pull up ‘Day 1 – Orientation pt.2’-]”

There was a slight pause as Dr. Hre’preshn tilted his head to the side, before giving the class a knowing nod. There was a change in the atmosphere almost immediately; still excited, sure, but now professionally excited. A few moments later there was a telltale click of a magnetic door lock disengaging, and the sound of 3 sets of small feet.

“[Ah. Welcome back.]”

Dr.Tiny-chomper-wiggle-hands gave a light bow of his head as Dr. Hre’preshn moved away from the podium. To say all eyes were on the tiny-chomper group would be correct, but also a misnomer; they had everyone’s rapt attention.

Exactly as kekaiku.

“[Good afternoon! Our next presentation will also be a bit of a test; you are simply graded for the length of time you pay attention. This is critical, because you are not going to be doing any normal job – this is a hospital, and you will be expected to be professional regardless of the situation that arises.]”

Ngruzren frowned, slightly. If it was boring material, he was used to it – half of what he learned in training already was nothing more than weights, measurements, and appropriate ways to take body temperature. Some more of the same wouldn’t be-

The terminal in front of Ngruzren turned on, suddenly, his implant pinging to life with incredibly low-fidelity audio. A body-cam, apparently.

It was a maternity ward; a tiny-chomper had given birth. The person wearing the body camera was yelling orders, and the group of tiny-chompers were moving as a cohesive unit.

That wasn’t what Ngruzren was noticing, however. There was… blood. So much blood. He was there when his wife gave birth, so he wasn’t… afriad, but. Some viscera from the mother – an umbilical cord of some sort – seemed to be entwined with the newborn…

…and the infant was blue.

“[We have gone over, briefly, how we live once we are born.]”

Dr. Tiny-chomper-wiggle-hands looked over the auditorium with cool, unflinching eyes, watching as people violently turned away from their screens.

“[Now, we will go over, briefly, how we die.]”

Categories
Stories They are Smol

They are Smol Doctors at Large – Chapter 3

“-st, with object permanence forming in our species forming between one and two years after birth. This also, unfortunately, coincides with our inability to recognize danger or things that would cause harm until three years of age or so.”

The screen behind Dr. Nicholas Silver switched to a silent movie – OIH approved, of course – of a human toddler happily walking off of a porch, being saved from certain death just in time by the child’s father. As it played out behind him he scanned the audience, noting the almost universal inhalation of breath, the panicked expressions, followed by the relaxed exhalation of relief.

It seemed that trait, at least, all species shared in common.

Dr. Silver continued to scan the crowd as another video of peek-a-boo played behind him. He wasn’t looking for aliens who were unphased by what he was saying and what they were seeing – by now those who were in the know realized that humans held a special… position in the galactic hierarchy, even if that position was nebulous at times. Quite the contrary, he wanted to make sure everyone in attendance was enthralled by the darling little angels behind him; there was a reason these lectures had a sub 5% pass rate.

That reason being, of course, that nobody saw the other shoe drop.

Dr. Silver smiled to himself as he reached a natural stopping point. “Well, seeing as how I’ve been talking non-stop for the past few hours, how about we take a break here and reconvene after lunch and a rest period. My team and I are going to compare notes, and then begin the second half of today’s lecture… ah. Hmm.”

Ngruzren-of-Arzgr, after 3 hours of the initial lecture, had made a mental note of a few very important things:

(1) Baby tiny-chompers don’t got no bones

(2) Female tiny-chompers carry between 1-2 young per pregnancy, rarely 3, and in extremely rare cases 4. The pregnancy is incredibly difficult for them with even one infant tiny-chomper, and their body is just trying it’s best-

(3) Baby tiny-chompers will sometimes look away from you because the dopamine flood they get from the overwhelming joy of seeing you is sometimes too much

(4) Baby tiny-chompers eyes go the wrong way. Everything is blobs for a long time. This is usually fixed

(5) No bones means pointy heads at birth they have tiny lil pointy head-

“[Excuse me, Sir?]”

Ngruzren-of-Arzgr stopped his uncontrollable full-body wiggle, doing his best to turn on his Serious Presentation Mode(tm) as his console lit up from a button pressed by the tiny-chomper at the podium. “{Yes, Doctor Tiny-chomper-wiggle-hands?}”

“[We just wanted… to make sure you were ok. I don’t know if your high-pitched… noisemaking was disrupting anyone else around you, but we please do ask you to pay attention during the presentation.]” Dr. Tiny-chomper-wiggle-hands said, adjusting his glasses. “[And from what I can tell, you’re currently sitting in an unregistered seat – who are you?]”

Ngruzren stood up, giving a slight bow. “{Ngruzren-of-Arzgr, Doctor. I’m a late addition, but my paperwork is all in order.}”

“[Mm. Yes, well. We’ll get your terminal unlocked during our break here. Please uh… make sure not to disturb your guests.]” Dr. Tiny-chomper-wiggle-hands said seriously, squinting slightly as the light hit his eyes wrong.

Ngruzren bowed again, then took his seat silently. I mean, internally he was screaming with joy because by the First Pack this was information he never knew about tiny-chompers, but still. The handling courses he was taught were basically “if you see an abandoned infant tiny-chomper, pick them up as delicately as physically possible, support their entire body with your arms, place them face-up in a pod and key in an emergency priority code, then wait”. There was nothing on the nuances of their behavior.

Serious Presentation Mode(tm). Gotta keep the mask up. Gotta not let on that this was probably too cute to be legal.

“[So, well. With that out of the way, I’ll turn it over to Dr. [Hre’preshn] to review what we discussed and to keep you entertained until we return. Doctor?]”

The elderly Jornissian made his way back onstage, giving a little deferential bow to the tiny-chomper doctor as he stepped down from the podium. The group of tiny-chompers moved as a unit, collecting bottles of water, paperwork and their chairs, dragging everything backstage in a coordinated… well, that’s a bit of a strong word. Unified? They all moved in the same direction, at least. Without a word the Dr. Hre’preshn pushed back in the step, keeping his torso and head facing forward while he rolled the rest of his body into a coil underneath him.

“[Thank you very much, Dr. Tiny-chomper-wiggle-hands.]” Dr. Hre’preshn said, messing with the control system on the podium to pull up another lecture presentation. “[What will follow is a brief Q&A session during the tiny-chomper’s break period to highlight and reinforce anything you may have missed during the initial lecture.]” Dr. Hre’preshn held up his hand as he talked, both in a commanding gesture… and as if to say “be quiet”. “[I’ve already called Technical Support for the few of you who had issues, and during the lecture I’ve verified paperwork that was coming in. If your seat has an orange indicator light, please come up to the front for assistance…]”

The Jornissian’s head turned slightly; the auditorium was silent, save for the light residual echo of his words, and every listener subconsciously turned an ear to hear for something.

There was a click. A door closing.

“[Wait.]” Dr. Hre’preshn said, his hand still held out, middle digit ticking off a timer only he could see in his mind. After a few agonizing moments there was the click of the doors automatically locking, and the Doctor’s body language changed completely.

Dr. Hre’preshn grinned, widely. “[Alright, let it all out.]”

There was the briefest of silences before someone in the front just screamed. This was the signal, and the entire class erupted in a cacophony of screams, flailed limbs, excited burts of noise and a general consensus of ‘there’s no heckin’ way’. Ngruzren-of-Arzgr would later swear up, down, left, right and center that he remained dignified, professional and personable throughout the entire training series.

He was just grabbing the nearest seat-mate to him – a Karnakian – and full-body wiggling with him in unison. Professional unison.

Dr. Hre’preshn laughed, giving a little bit of applause as well. No one realized he was in on the act; no one realized the encouragement was part of the production.

And that was the entire point.

“Oi! Wiggles!”

Ik’itili sighed, if only internally. The first few years with that name were fine, adorable even; juvenile little-needs-protectings calling out her name, sometimes even acting it out was precious and absolutely worth the snickering from her peers at the name she was given. The adults would say her name with a smile, and the story of how she got it was, of course, fascinating. Also got her a few drinks, if she was being honest.

“Wiggles? You in there?”

However, that was then and this is now and after a human decade worth of the name, it had gotten old. She already petitioned the government to change her translated name, and she got that request finalized about 2 years ago – She was Wiggles no more; “Bright Sunset” spoke more to her charming personality and overall lifestyle. Ik’itili had happily shared that update with her friends, family, and of course, her little-needs-protectings.

That apparently didn’t matter. That especially didn’t matter to Juan Esteban Aleman, Father of Mothing, Owner of TTT Ranch and Manager of an incredibly nonplussed Karnakian who was staring off into space.

“Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-”

Ik’itili’s eyes refocused, and she sighed again. “[I’m here, Juan.]”

“You doin’ alright?” Juan said, turning around and hopping up to sit on a stack of hay bales. “I know doing the mindless tasks is a bit of a pain, but the feed needs to go out to the dairy barn if we’re going to try to grow the herd this year.”

“[What? Yes, I’m fine.]” Ik’itili picked up a commercial-sized roll of hay – a feat that would require heavy machinery to do otherwise – and tossed it onto the back of a flatbed transport, adding to the stack already on the vehicle. “[Sorry, just zoned out there for a moment.]”

“Awh, that’s alright Wiggles, we all have those moments.” Juan smiled, taking off his hat and smoothing down his sweat-slicked black hair. “And I’m sorry we don’t have nothin’ as fun as programming drones or handling security; I know that’s much more up your alley.”

“[Eh. I’m here for the long game.]”

“And we appreciate it, truly.”

There was a brief pause as Ik’itili bent forward to pick up another rolled bale of hay. Juan said nothing, and Ik’itili shrugged and began to heft the dried straw up –

“So Jim called in sick today-”

Thump went the hay onto the ground as Ik’itili groaned. “[Oh come on. Juan, you know I’m no good when it comes to training-]”

Juan held up his hands in a placating gesture, nodding his head forward. “I know, I know. He’s apparently come down with something, probably just a headcold from the sound of it, but we asked him to stay home because we don’t want it spreading – especially not to our customers.” Juan leaned back, propping himself up on his hands. “So, point being is that we don’t have anyone to cover, and it’s just clutch training today.”

“[No flight?]”

“No flight. At least, no scheduled flight training, but…”

“[Juan.]”

“Bench is in rotation.”

“[Juan! That terror-beast is the most ornery, maladjusted, evil little-]”

Juan laughed, leaning forward. “Wiggles! Are you listening to yourself?! He’s not evil, you just keep spooking him!”

The karnakian lowered her body, baring her teeth and frilling her feathers in an over-exaggerated aggressive display. “[Don’t believe his lies-]”

“Wiggles, Wiggles. Please. Wiggles.” Juan reached forward, gently patting his subordinate on the snout. “It’s just for a few hours, and then you can cut off for the rest of the day. Deal?”

Ik’itili frowned.

“ÖẘÖ.”

Ik’itili frowned. After a few minutes of back-and forth for the sake of pretending this would be a giant pain in the tail to do, Ik’itili found herself in the flight training barn – one of 7 that dotted the landscape. The floor was mostly loosely packed dirt – the kind that had some give if you took a dive – with a sharp line of demarcation bisecting the circular training area. The other half of the training area was a deep pit, filled with cast-off foam squares; logic being that if you needed to take a high fall it was better to cannonball into a foam pit from 30 feet up as opposed to, well.

“ÖẘÖ?”

“|Don’t you take that tone of voice with me.|”

The terror-beast hung upside down in front of Ik’itili inside the giant Barn, on a specialized rack that mimicked their native perching habitat. As Mothing was a hot new sensation sweeping the nation, TTT ranch was doing it’s best to standardize practices across the planet. From proper hatching techniques to animal husbandry using military equipment, new ideas were tested, adapted and adopted to provide the highest quality experience from silken egg to full-grown adult terror-beast. What TTT ranch had found over the past 20 years was that, in the end, with all the advancements of technology, there was absolutely nothing that could replace hands-on training.

Hence, the Barn… and the trainee moths.

Ik’itili opened up the giant cage, the terror-beast’s antennae moving independently of each other to identify the new guest. It’s body was a muted gray, but as a trainee moth it had a bright red vest on – unlike service animal vests, this one encouraged touching, the vest sporting multiple hand-holds and straps to help the new rider feel safe in the arms of an admittedly dim animal.

“|Now look, I don’t like you and you don’t like me…|”

“Òẘó.” Bench, the trainee moth said, somehow furrowing brows that didn’t exist in defiance.

“|But I’m going to have to pull you out of this cage and get you prepared for the day-|” Ik’itili moved her hand from behind her back, producing the final part of the training moth’s “uniform”: a bright blue helmet with a small, flashing light on top. The purpose of the helmet was twofold: On one hand, as a moth with new ‘riders’ the likelyhood that it would be taking dives into the dirt was a certainty, and the helmet was to protect the animal. On the other, it was to identify this moth and rider as brand-new to the sport; the other training moths would give it a wide berth and other riders would know not to get close to the unpredictable duo.

However, the lettering around the helmet that said “PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH ME; I HAVE MOTHISM” seemed a bit redundant.

“|Now, all I need you to do is just hold still and let me put this on-|”

It was only a whisper of a touch, a small fraction of air current moved the wrong way, but apparently the signal that Bench’s antennae received told it’s brain to go from “resting but curious” to “BOOK IT”. With a tremendous flap of its’ wings the terror-beast launched itself at the unprepared Karnakian, headbutting the poor girl halfway through her sentence. Ik’itili accepted her fate, letting the animal bowl her over into the soft dirt below. With another triumphant wingbeat Bench flew out of the cage, gaining altitude in the enclosed Barn, performing lazy circles in the still air.

Ik’itili rested on the dirt, a nonplussed look on her face. She would have been surprised, if this kind of crap didn’t happen to her every single ti-

Pip

Oh. An indicator – from Ngruzren?

Ik’itili sat up, resting on her legs as she mentally commanded her implant to answer the call. She still had a few minuntes before any of the other little-needs-protectings would come in for their orientation, and it would be good to catch up with an old friend. He’d dropped off the face of the planet ever since having his pups – which was to be expected – so mayb-

“[AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-]”

Ik’itili found herself on her back, again, as her ears rang from a sound that formed only in her mind.

It was going to be one of those days, wasn’t it.

Categories
Stories They are Smol

They are Smol Doctors at Large – Chapter 2

Ngruzren-of-Arzgr inhaled the fresh air deeply, then sighed.

The bright warm sun bathed his tired frame, sounds of the city melting into a comfortable background haze. His pups – all five of them – harassed each other in the bubble cart, it’s deep bowl-shaped reinforced cloth basket squirming as his children burned off what seemed to be an endless amount of energy trying to burrow through the basket and possibly each other.

Ngruzren, for his part, looked every bit the new father; on his back he wore a pack filled to the brim with toys, food, medical supplies and multiple changes of clothing (for both him and his young), his outfit put together to achieve maximum comfort while still being street legal. Idly, in the back of his mind, he was certain there were a few stains on his robe or his leggings, but… but he was far too tired to care.

“{Rabla!}”

“{I’m not talking to you, you little bastard.}” Ngruzren sweetly smirked, resting his hand on his fifth daughter and gently pushing her down into the stroller-cart. He was rewarded with a chorus of ecstatic squeals and a half-dozen little paws scratching at his hand and wrist, and Ngruzren laughed to himself as he fussed with his children before removing the attacking limb.

“{Seriously though. I don’t even know how you got between those couch cushions…}”

Ngruzren sighed once more. Yes, his pups were little shits, and yes they were worth it, but damn if it wasn’t so much work. He’d burned half the day doing basically nothing: caring for a single non-threatening head wound, finding his lost daughter burrowed under the couch cushions, then getting them all fed and cleaned – If you had asked him, Ngruzren would swear that he woke up before dawn to get a head start on the day, and yet now here he was, trying to get out of the house to find some place nice to eat lunch.

Alone.

“{Well, aren’t you great at putting yourself down.}” Ngruzren said to himself, reaching behind the cart to pull it’s transparent shield over the top. His species learned millenia ago that leapers meant leapers, and the last thing any father needs is his children orchestrating an impromptu prison break once they get their back legs fully developed. Checking his pockets once more to make sure he had everything necessary for the excursion ahead, Ngruzren stepped out into the sidewalk proper, pushing his cart of pups before him, the gate to his starter home locking automatically behind him. The excitement of being out and about at first had a calming effect, as each pup stared bright-eyed at the flora, fauna, buildings and other sapients that passed them by.

This docile effect lasted, at best guess, about 2 minutes at most. With a full-body wiggle one of his pups bounded – well, leapt – eer. Her legs aren’t that developed, so let’s just generously call it a hop with ambition and gently booped her whole head against the soft reinforced rim of the basket. This was apparently the sign that all of Ngruzren’s other pups were waiting for; within a few seconds each pup was leaping, hopping or just plain full-body wiggling in an attempt to escape the bubble-cart and see the wide world around them. The more Ngruzren pushed the stroller, the more animated his pups became, tiny little balls of mottled fur popping up into the clear plastic top shell before gravity inexorably pulled them back down onto their sisters.

Ngruzren exchanged polite pleasantries with the people who walked by, every so often stopping to let an older mother or father playfully poke at the clear dome much to his pups’ delight. It was an ideal day in an ideal city on an ideal planet, and he was living an arguably ideal life with all his needs taken care of.

And yet.

Ngruzren waved kindly to the elderly Jornissian couple as they finished cooing over his pups, another soft sigh escaping his lips. Everything was going “right” for him, and he really had nothing to complain about at all – so why did he feel so empty? Was it really just him being so needy as to have to have a wife with him at all times? Was he always this boring? Or was this all there was to life? Is it so wrong to want more? What doth life-

smek

Ngruzren frowned as an errant piece of litter – an ad, it seems – pressed up against his pups’ pushcart. They attacked it with ineffective and curious zeal, of course, and Ngruzren quickly snatched it away. Turning it over in his hands he hummed, softly.

*

[WE NEED VOLUNTEERS]

[ARE YOU A [HUMAN] TRAINED PROFESSIONAL?]

[DO YOU HAVE A CARING AND NURTURING SIDE?]

[GENTLE EXPANSE NEEDS NURSES FOR MIXED-SERVICES HOSPITALS AND CLINICS]

[INQUI-]

*

Ngruzren turned the ripped sheet over in his hands – apparently someone else had pulled out the contact information – and thought for a moment.

He did have free time to volunteer.

He was a tiny-chomper trained professional.

He was already caring and nurturing pups, on his own, so-

Ngruzren nodded, pulling up his implants’ HUD as he started to walk to a transportation hub with purpose. “{Search term: tiny-chomper nurse practitioner opening…}”

The door to the hospital side entrance opened up silently, a gentle chime and the change of air pressure the only indication that someone stepped through. Multi-species hospitals were, by their nature, built to the lowest common denominator of every species, made to accept the widest variance possible of the sum total. Therefore, doors were unreasonably wide, tables are far too low, vending machines are boring, seating arrangements were universally uncomfortable, and almost to a clinic the walls were just… bland. Eventually, once you were put into a more species-appropriate wing things became more tailored to your genetic triggers, but until then the cold beige welcome room screamed professionalism, and that was absolutely fine for everyone who came in and for those who worked there.

“[Um, Hello?]”

Rrr’ssrpprinsse looked up from her terminal, the sky-blue and white Jornissian shaking the notifications out of her vision. Standing before her on the soft foam floor was a Male Dorarizin, an obviously confused look on his face. “[Ah, I’m sorry. Welcome to Caring Touch Hospital and Clinic.]” She gave the male a quick once-over, noting no limping, tilting, unfortunate discharges or flaking fur, then noticed the still-rambunctious bowl of pups-

“[Oh! Here for a checkup? Do you have an appointment, Mr…-]”

“[No, no. Eer, I’m Ngruzren-of-Arzgr, but I don’t have an appointment.]” Ngruzren gently placed a torn ad on the countertop. “[I saw this, and I was wondering-]”

Rrr’ssrpprinsse sighed, rippling her neck in a gentle no. “[Oh lightspice, hon, unless you’ve got a tier 3 handling clearance-]”

“[Oh! But I do – you can run me through the system, I used to be a tour guide – an unaccompanied one – for the warm-cuddles. Ngruzren-of-Arzgr, ID#: 255-7’’-$~~4@-]”

“[Ah, I got you, I got you.]” Rrr’ssrpprinsse interrupted, pulling up the public file of the citizen before her and giving it a very quick once-over. “[Yeah, it seems like you’re more than experienced – sorry. You have to forgive me, once those ads were placed we got a flood of well, everyone wanting to play doctor with the warm-cuddles. I’m Rrr’ssrpprinsse, and it’s a pleasure to meet you Mr. Arzgr.]” Rrr’ssrpprinsse raised herself up, giving a slight professional bow to the young father. The Dorarizin copied the bow, uncertainly, his pups bouncing around with the infinite energy of youth.

“[So, uh, congratulations? You’ve basically passed the first few hurdles-]”

“[Wait, there’s no interview process or vetting-]”

“[Oh! No, no there definitely is-]” Rrr’ssrpprinsse leaned down, working the controls on her console. “[We’ve… well, talk about luck, we’ve got a new hire orientation going on right now. It’s the first step after warm-cuddle handling qualification – which you’ve already passed, and your cert is still good – so we can just slide you in there.]”

“[Uuuhhh…]” Ngruzren blinked, looking down at his basket of pups, rolling his shoulder to let the bag of supplies he was carrying drop to the ground. “[I am in no way prepared for an interview, Rrr’ssrpprinsse – ma’am. I just wanted to inquire-]”

“[Mr. Arzgr, it’s not an interview. We ask all prospective new hires to sit in through about 10 days of orientation to understand what we’re actually asking them to do, and the ones that stick through it are the ones that are then interviewed for positions. We find that this sifts out all those who are here out of curiosity from those who are called to help. The lucky part is that we’ve just started a new round, so you can begin at the beginning. If you’re not interested, then it…]” Rrr’ssrpprinsse checked her terminal, hands flying over the keys. “[It’ll be another few months before we open up for another orientation round.]”

Ngruzren grimaced. “[10 days…]”

There was a pregnant pause as Ngruzren looked down at his pups, letting out another sigh. “[I don’t think I’m able to make that commitmen-]”

Rrr’ssrpprinsse thought for a moment. “[You know, we have an on-site nursery that’s free for employees-]”

“[DEAL.]”

Rrr’ssrpprinsse chuckled, rumbling as she shrank back down. “[Wonderful. Give me a few minutes and we’ll go drop off your pups and get you into class.]”

To the uninitiated – or those just passing by – it looked like Ngruzren was just talking to a giant pile of baby supplies sitting on a desk.

“[-and Rgez needs to be fed at least twice an hour-]”

“[Sir-]”

But to anyone who bothered to dig under said supplies, you would find one very bemused Karnakian day care receptionist processing a waiver for a new batch of young Dorarizin pups.

“[Gragd only likes minced food; she’s not on solid just yet-]”

“[Sir-]”

Of course, Ngruzren had no reason to use day care up until this point; it was very much an alien concept to him, and so he just defaulted to what he knew: Treat the adult like they’re a babysitter, give them the run down, and pray no one gets hurt while you’re out on a date night.

“[-to be laid down for a nap, even if Re-]”

“[Sir.]”

Ngruzren tensed up a bit before relaxing, looking appropriately sheepish. “[Sorry, I just-]”

“[Sir, it’s all right. We’ve got 80 other pups that we take care of on a daily basis; I’m certain another 5 won’t be an issue.]” T’ciki’briiki said, laughing softly, her sandy yellow-orange feathers shaking with joy. “[Trust me, you’re not the first new father to do a drop off, everyone will be fine. I promise.]”

“[I just… alright.]” Ngruzren said with a certain twinge of defeat, rolling his stroller of pups to the side of the reception desk. “[I’ve just never, yanno.]”

“[I know. Trust me, I know.]” T’ciki’briiki said, gently pulling the stroller of pups to her side. “[We’ll put them in a play den within view of others their age, get them used to the attention and smell and then tag’em and let them out.]”

“[Well, socialization is important…]”

“[There, see?]” T’ciki’briiki smiled, crest rising with joy. “[And they’ll be isolated for the first few days, so there won’t be any teething accidents, and everything is under camera and full-spectrum monitoring. If something happens, we’ll know before these little ones even do.]”

Ngruzren stood there, at the desk, a tablet slid gently under his hand, the text on the screen gently but insistently asking for his permission to sign various forms. He looked back at his pups, the basket of wet noses and soft eyes all looking at their father in unison, knowing not what was going on but that it was a change and that change needed an adult to manage.

“[Mr. Arzgr, we need to go soon.]” Rrr’ssrpprinsse said softly. “[We can skip the initial paperwork signing and filing, but once the presentation starts the doors are locked.]”

Ngruzren looked at his pups, hard, and then at the form. With a titanic effort, he scribbled his signature, pressing his hand against the screen to record his biometric consent.

“[I’ll be back soon, sweetmeats, I promise. Be good, ok?]”

Ngruzren was strong enough to not look back once he walked out, which was to his credit.

Ngruzrenwas not strong enough to stop second-guessing himself once his pups began to cry.

The Jornissian pressed her keycard against the door, pushing it open with her free hand, the muffled voice behind the threshold suddenly ringing out clearly into the hallway.

“[-to help with further integration. I don’t need to explain to you all how delicate the tiny-chompers are; their physical attributes are weaker, yes, but do belie a surprising amount of resilience and strength. The goal over the course of these sessions is to introduce you to the tiny-chompers without the veneer of propaganda,-]”

Rrr’ssrpprinsse pointed to an empty seat near the back-middle of the auditorium, giving Ngruzren a reassuring pat on his forearm. The Dorarizin nodded his thanks, silently slipping into the room.

“[-to show you the state they will arrive in, and to truly explain to you what this job will demand of you. You cannot coddle them, you cannot make excuses for them, and you cannot let them break you; there will be those we save, and those we lose, and you need to be ok with both of those outcomes.]” The elderly Jornissian presenter, a doctor by the look of his uniform, switched to the next slide, the auditorium-wall sized presentation deck landing on it’s end slide.

Ngruzren took his seat, the terminal before him lighting up to ask for his login information… which he absolutely didn’t have. Frowning slightly, he turned on his own implant, recording everything he could for further note-taking later.

“[Without further delay, I’d like to present to you the first group of tiny-chompers who are going to be touring with us over the next few months; these doctors and nurses will be teaching us all through experience what you are expected to learn on your own through structured education and training. Tiny-chompers?]”

At that announcement, a door to the side of the stage opened up, a group of four tiny-chompers making their way to the center of the stage. The Jornissian presenter moved out of the way, giving the first tiny-chomper – a male, from the looks of it – a deferential bow. He walked up to the podium, flanked by three other tiny-chompers – another male and two females – all of which looked professional, well-groomed and totally nonplussed as they scanned the room. The first tiny-chomper reached down and did something at the base of the podium, then stepped up to it…

…oh. Oh. It was a pull-out step.

“[Aww…]” Ngruzren murmured, resting his chin in his hand.

“[Good day to you all. I am Doctor Tiny-chomper-wiggle-hands. Behind me are Nurses Tiny-chomper-sassy-slaps, Tiny-chomper-needle-poke and Tiny-chomper-lookit-him-jump. You are all well trained in how to handle, especially physically, our species. This course, as Dr. Hre’preshn stated, is to show you a deeper view into tiny-chomper physiology. Whereas all of you are trained in handling sapients who are sane, calm and collected, you will now be expected to handle us when we are dying, insane and in fear. In short, the worst and most vulnerable parts of tiny-chompers will be on display.]”

The slideshow started again, and a gasp – not of shock but of joy – rippled through the audience.

“[So we’re going to start with the most vulnerable of the vulnerable.]”

On the screen, on full display, were about a half-dozen tiny-chomper infants.

“[Now, in regards to infant behavior…]”