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Stories They are Smol

They are Smol – and it’s a Smol World: Chapter 8

“Bokka-bokka-bokka-bok.”

“Bokka-bokka-bokka-bok.”

“Bokka-bokka-bokka-bok-

“Eggsmerelda!” Juan Esteban scolded, looking into the chicken carrier he was pushing out of the transport. He was answered with four flaps of the hen’s wings, before a full-body shake and an inquisitive stare. “Don’t you look at me like that! The pilot did his best.”

“Bok.”

“Nuh! That sinking feeling in your gut isn’t the precursor to something terrible – it’s just feeling this planet’s gravity, Eggsmerelda.”

The hen narrowed her eyes accusingly at her human caretaker, before looking tilting her head to see past him. She didn’t know enough about astrophysics or metaphysics to argue with the human, and figured her time would be best spent providing exposition to the rest of her flock.

Eggsmerelda cast her gaze outside of the livestock carrier to the planet she and all but 4 of her descendants would call home for the rest of time, and clucked softly to herself. Landing Zone 5 of the Human Partition of Silver City was a massive pad, all things considered; roughly 800,000 square feet of landing and unloading area per shuttlecraft, and this was one of 25 such pads that had been erected in a straight line along the border to help ease the flow of goods and personnel down to the surface of [Gentle Expanse]. This entire pad was currently taken up by the Aleman family – the parents, children, their various livestock, seed and starter crops. Juan Esteban, being the youngest child at 7, was put in charge of the more manageable livestock – and there’s nothing more manageable than a chicken in a coop.

“Rrr. Rrrrrr.”

“See? I told you, it’s fine. Papa says that we’ll make you a nice run near the house, and since there are no hawks here we might be able to give you a full acre!”

“Bok.”

“I know!” Juan Esteban agreed, nodding his boyish head sagely. “We have much more space than we did back home.”

“Bok.”

“Hmm?” Juan Esteban said, looking over to one of the elevator booths. The Landing Zone pads weren’t at ground level; They were the “rooftops” of various purpose-built complexes that would eventually manage the transfer of packages, immigrants and tourists to and from the surface. Right now, as they were mostly half-built, the Landing Zone pads and buildings were more …multipurpose. Anything from keeping sheep in (what would eventually be) basketball court to housing in the frequent flyer’s lounge was allowed, as long as it was temporary. The elevators themselves were a little more than half-built, but just barely; nothing more than part of the actual pad that would sink down to the lower levels, and a pop-up guardrail to corral the goods in transit from falling off the side. Currently standing on one of the elevators was a group of real life aliens-

Juan Esteban basically vibrated with excitement.

“Bok.”

No. I’m goin’ over and saying hi!”

“Bok.”

“Oh COME ON. It’ll be ok!”

“…Bok.”

“Look, Papa won’t know!”

“Papa won’t know what?” Ricardo said, smiling softly as his youngest damn near jumped out of his skin.

“H-How did you-”

“Whenever children get really quiet, that’s when you know something is wrong. Besides, you should listen to Eggsmerelda – she’s got a good head on her shoulders.”

“Bok.” Eggsmerelda said quietly in agreement.

Juan Esteban turned bright red, wrapping his arms around his torso and staring at his feet in utter embarassment. “H-How long-”

“Long enough, son. You’re not the only one who talks to the animals, yanno.” Ricardo stated, gently patting Juan Esteban on the head. “You don’t really grow out of it, and they do listen.”

Juan Esteban mumbled something half-audible in response, the encouraging clucking of Eggsmerelda not helping to pull him out of his funk. Ricardo sighed, then pushed his son slightly on the back towards the elevator. “Come on, we might as well see what they want.”

“Really?!”

“Mmm. And you’re not going alone. Besides, it’s always good manners to meet the neighbors.”

The elevator was bright, airy, and built to human standards – which is a nice way of saying it was open-air, windswept and very slow.

“[No, but seriously.]” Ik’itili said, ruffling her feathers slightly in worry before fussing them all back into place under her vest. “[What if we learned the truth?]”

“[I really really really don’t think that’s the case.]” Swipressnssren said, curling his tail back in on itself in a casual non-threatening rest position. “[If anything it was a bored warmcuddle who accidentally got lost on the GalNet and stumbled into the server.]”

“[But he was saying things-]”

“[Warmcuddles tend to do that.]” Swipressnssren responded coyly, earning him a bap with a feathered arm. He repositioned his sash, tucking the city guides’ standard issue tablet under his arm while doing so. “[Seriously, though. I don’t think that he was giving us the unedited truth-]”

“[Deepest Lore is what he called it – the secrets behind the secrets!]” Ik’itili chirped, giving a little full-body wiggle. “[What if he accidentally gave us the answers to perfect cross-species communication!? What if we’re able to be the best guides ever – Team, what if we can put it in a book and get it published?! We’d be famous-]”

“[We haven’t even met our first warmcuddle yet – in the flesh, I mean.]”

“[Hard light training dummies are basically little-needs-protectings-]”

“[That’s speciest.]” Ngruzren-of-Arzgr growled, grinning as he adjusted his leisure outfit, absentmindedly running a claw through his mane. “[And I’m reporting both of you for illegal fraternization with a tiny-chomper.]”

“[[John Madden] is more than a little-needs-protecting, Ngruzren. He’s eternal.]”

“[I have checked at least 15 times – there is no church of the touchdown, and the sacred playbook doesn’t exi-]”

The three of them tensed internally as the elevator began to slow down further – if you could believe such a thing – the top of the landing pad slowly inching towards eye-level.

“[I could jump it.]”

“[No.]”

“[M’ could.]” Ik’itili grinned, squatting. “[It’s just a little hop, really.]”

“[I’ll pluck your tailfeathers as you jump.]” Threatened Swipressnssren, smiling as they crested the floor. “[Now stand up already and act professional. We’re about to make introductions.]”

“[Fiiiiiine.]” Cooed Ik’itili, standing up and stretching her legs. “[But only because I’m the most professional of us all.]”

As the trio rose from the depths of the building and into the light, they looked around curiously; arrayed in a semicircle around the fat, bulky landing craft were all manner of cages, boxes and crates – most of them looking utilitarian and multipurpose in use and design. Every few crates would be broken up by a cage holding some exotic dirt animal – some were easily identifiable from the shared Human media; those over there were horses, that one – a cow. Some were utterly alien to the group, their purposes only guessed at. A cacophony of animal noises would every so often be blown towards them on the wind, before abruptly changing course and becoming almost mute. The elevator floor connected with the floor of the landing pad with an audible thunk, magnetic locks snapping into place. The movement apparently caught the attention of one of the offloaders, and eventually a trio of humans began to wobble their way over.

“[The song begins. Or as [John] would say – around folk be woke.]”

“[Damnit, Ngruzren, not you too.]”

“Ah.”

Ricardo was the patriarch of the Aleman family, and as such had a certain swagger to his walk. That swagger ended about halfway to the elevator once he got a really good look at the aliens waiting for him, and was altogether a distant memory once the size disparity was put into stark contrast. His son, Juan Esteban, went from eagerly power-walking before his daddy to standing beside him to now almost being pushed forward from the side.

“D-dad-”

“N-now now. They’re… they’re nice. A bit more… more than the holos, but. We trained for this.”

“Iunwanna-”

“It’ll be fine.”

Both Ricardo and Juan Esteban jumped slightly as Luciana had the audacity to… walk beside them for the past few moments. “Really though. They look aggressive, but it’s fine.”

“Mmm. I just… can’t read ‘em.” Ricardo murmured, voice low with worry.

“You… do realize you can just talk to them, right?”

“[Hello [Humans]!]” The giant werewolf bellowed, waving an arm like a treetrunk in a close-enough approximation of a greeting.

“See?” Luciana said, half-laughing as she waved back. “Besides, we’re far too deep in now to get cold feet – HELLO!” she called out, leading her family forward. “Pleasure to meet you!”

“[Greetings! I am greetings, and it is nice to meet you.]” The mountain of a beast said, ears perked forward.

“Oh! I uh. The pleasure is all ours! I’m Luciana, and this is my father Ricardo and my youngest brother, Juan Esteban – who is… hiding behind dad’s legs because he’s shy.”

The giant raptor knelt down, tilting it’s head to the side. “[I can help you hide better if you’d like!]” it beamed, and Juan’s grip on his father’s leg began to cut off circulation.

“T-that’s alright. What’s your names?” Ricardo grimaced, attempting to keep his demeanor through his child’s death-grip.

“[I’m Hello! And this is Welcome!]” the raptor motioned with a free arm to the giant snake, who dipped it’s head. “[Though, seeing as how this is our first meeting and calibration, it might make sense to pick new names for us!]”

“Oh! Uh, we can do that?”

“[Certainly! The names you give us will be logged by our implants and propagated out to every new human we meet. We will also do the same for you, if you don’t mind.]” The raptor screech-sang softly, it’s head remaining level with Juan Esteban’s while it’s body moved.

“Um.”

“[Could you say your name for calibration?]”

Everyone turned to little Juan Esteban, whose whole world was nothing but his father’s back.

“It’s… Juan. Juan Esteban.” Ricardo answered, his hand reaching back to assuredly pat his child on the shoulder.

“[Juan Juan Esteban.]”

“No, just Juan Esteban.”

“[Just Juan Esteban.]” the raptor said, without an ounce of confusion but a pinch of playfulness.

“Juan Esteban!” The child protested loud enough to finally be heard, not moving from his father’s side.

“[Hello Juan Esteban! What would you like to name me?]”

The child – for the first time since they got within earshot – peeked around his parent. “W-what?”

“[You can name me! What would you like to call me – my name is-]”

And then the raptor sang.

“[- but you can call me what you want.]”

“Um. Uh. Wh.. Ah.”

The boy stuttered for a few moments, staring down the unblinking and oddly kind monster before him as it swayed from side to side-

“W-wiggles?”

The raptor stopped moving, the wolf-bear looked away suddenly and the snake seemed to bite it’s lip. Using such a common word meant that it was perfectly translated over, so there was no mistaking or masking the name.

“[Wiggles.]”

“Yeah?”

The Karnakian looked up at the human patriarch with a deadpan expression. “[Wiggles.]”

“Ah-hh…” Ricardo grinned, shrugging, As Luciana started to lose it as silently as she could. “I mean… you did ask a child to name you.”

“[Wiggles.]” Wiggles the Karnakian said, looking back at her teammates.

“[Well, Wiggles, let’s not monopolize their time any longer than we should!]” The giant snake – Jornissian – said, bowing slightly. “[Although, I would prefer to be named something a bit more… mature.]”

“And uh, how do you say your name?”

And the snake purred.

“Uh… Persimmon? It’s a fruit that we cultivate, very sweet.”

“[Persimmon. Sure, thank you. And your name?]”

“Ricardo Aleman.”

“[Ricardo Aleman. It is a pleasure to meet you, Ricardo Aleman.]”

“L-likewise.”

Finally, the giant bear-wolf stepped forward, giving a gentle bow to Luciana. “[And what is your name?]”

“Luciana Aleman.”

“[Luciana. It’s a pleasure.]” and the wolf-bear – a Dorarizin – held out it’s hand in a very human-like greeting.

“Oh!” Luciana beamed, and gave a half-curtsy before reaching out and gripping the alien’s hand in a firm-for-a-human grip. “The pleasure is all mine!”

Luciana smiled wide, and remembering his training, Ngruzren-of-Arzgr mimicked the gesture – a light blush across his features.

They both tensed as there was a slip, and a decoupling. The alien facial gesture of a human “smile” working muscles in ways that usually aren’t moved in such a way. There was a loud plink, and a slight scattering of enamel-on-metal.

Ngruzren-of-Arzgr’s prosthetic lay on the ground between them.

“I uh…”

Luciana looked down and then back up at the frozen alien. If she had taken the more advanced orientation classes she would’ve known the look of utter mortification that was on Ngruzren’s features, but the thousand-yard stare was enough. She pulled her hand out of the Dorarizins’ and bent down, picking up the hefty implant.

“T.. I think this is yours.” She said quietly, placing it in his hand.

“[. . .]”

The two trios looked at each other for a few eternities, frozen in collective embarrassment until there was a fierce cough that snapped everyone out of their horrified reverie. Materializing between them both was a small, oval woman, and she immediately commanded everyone’s attention.

“I am Isabella Fransisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno Maria de los Remedios Cipriano de la Santisima Trinidad Ruiz y Aleman. You may call me Abuela. And we will call you Tipo.”

Tipo closed his mouth, a stormfront of dark emotion covering his face. Abuela received only a nod of recognition for her interruption, and she sighed.

“Well, there’s nothing to be done for it. Come on – Juan, get your mother.” Isabella stated matter-of-factly, and the youngest child scampered off as ordered. “Ricardo and the boys will unload, stable and transport what needs to be done. Myself, Mi Luzita and Sofia will join you for a tour of the city, and that will be that. Now.”

The small and arguably frail woman took the Dorarizin’s paw and began to ‘lead’ him away in a way that was more suggestion than anything else. “Come, come. We will fix this, come.”

Wiggles and Persimmon looked at each other and then back at Luciana, who shrugged and clapped her hands a couple times, attempting to break the spell. “I uh… yeah! So. Sun’s setting, what’s good to do at night around here?”

“[Well…… we have some very nice [human]-friendly shopping we could take you to. The sun won’t rise for another 15 hours, so you have plenty of time to see what you want to see. We could also try some of the [human]-friendly restaurants and cafes, if you’d like?]”

“I think that would be great! Um. What’s good around here?”

“[Well, there are some places that serve caffeine, which might be useful if you’d like to spend a few hours out – or if you just want to get something quick and then head back to the unloading dock…]”

And so Luciana made small talk, soon joined by her mother Sofia who had some suggestions of her own. Eventually the addition of having someone who missed the recent unpleasentness and the momentum of excited conversation soon smoothed over the awkward start to the evening, and as a group they “boarded” the elevator and began the slow, safe ride down.

And for the entire ride Abuela sat in Tipo’s lap, singing softly as she was cradled gently by his arms.

Together, they descended into the blue-lit city below.

Categories
Stories They are Smol

They are Smol – and it’s a Smol World: Chapter 7

“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”

“Look, I know, I’m sorry-” Jothan cooed softly, removing the last pissbottle from the floor. His captive roomba continued to shake violently, googly eyes staring accusingly at his roomate/owner.

“I just got into some shit, yanno? Like, You find your tribe, man, and you just-”

“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” The roomba continued to emit a high-pitched whining sound – almost as if it was screaming – and every few seconds it’s IR sensors would detect that it was clear ahead, that it could move – and it would dart forward just an inch before something in it’s circuitry pulled it back into the safety of the corner.

“-yeah, I guess that’s no excuse.” Jonathan sighed, slav-squatting as he rested his chin on his hands, staring at the traumatized robot. “Look, all I’m saying is, is that I won’t let it happen to me again – I promise, this time will be different.”

“Eeeeeeeeeeee”

“Well the bottles are fuckin’ spaced already! Look, see? Look with your sensors already-”

“Eeee”

Jonathan sighed, standing up. “Well. When you’re feeling less… whatever you are, you can go back to your hive and refresh yourself.” With a grunt he stretched, letting his back pop from the sudden use, and looked around his living quarters. The food was cleaned, the floor swept (by other roombas who wondered where the first unit was but knew better to ask questions) and mopped, the walls hosed down, new linens and bedding fabricated and the old stuff burned (sleeping on your own dead skin cells is barbaric.) the bathroom decontaminated and the ceiling repainted.

Look when you get into the mood to refresh your place you just go, amirite? Regardless, Jonathan was absolutely certain that he wouldn’t outright shame the entire human race if and/or when a room inspection ever happened… he’d just fail, like a normal human being would. As God Intended.

Pip

Jon turned at the sound, his VR station giving the “all clean” audio indicator. His bare feet padded on the tatami linoleum as he walked over to the cleaning dock, and unfastening a few clasps he opened the basketball-sized container. Hollow like a coconut, it’s prize presented itself in shiny backlit LED gamer-red glory; the lenses were washed and polished, the padding was refoamed and pressed, the controllers were micro-abraised clean – the entire thing felt brand new, which was the entire point of doing a thorough deep clean.

Smiling, he turned it over in his hands, the battery indicator flashing a bright and full green on all three peripherals. Starting up a few subvocalized commands he checked his 5KG connection status, answered 1400 unread emails with a sound bite pulled from a robot blocks game made back in pre-contact earth (a simple archaic .wav file), and cleared his admittedly empty calendar once more. A soft ‘uuuuuuuuuuuuuu’ tone broke his reverie for just a moment and he looked up – locking ‘eyes’ with the roomba in the corner.

“I…”

“Uuuu- uuuuuuuuu” it droned, googly eyes jiggling accusingly.

“. . .you know, you’re right. I have been neglecting you since your motherbot left. Come on, sport – let’s go outside and clean the hallway!”

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-”

The chatroom was not as lively as it could have been.

I say that not because of any gigantic epiphany – that comes later. No, when you’re an Administrator of an illegal galactic net server node you tend to be the first one out and the first one in. After an hour or so of real time had passed and the threat of the Senate’s botnet discovering the still-propped-open backdoors had passed, it was safe to probe the node once more. Think of it… think of it like breaking into a rarely-used warehouse to throw an underground rave party. Your crew scouts out the location, you note the guard shifts, A few shut doors needed to be propped back open, and barring that a few new doors had to be made. You have to sweep the floors of loose data, loop a couple of the cameras (so to speak) and then alls’ well for the illegal bloc party to start.

All in all, it was routine work, and [Best_at_Tech] was joined by another Admin, and another and another until the relative couple-dozen hackers and script-kiddies had begun to rebuild the server in peace. That is, until they noticed the auto-generated log file. Childlike glee at unmasking a fellow shitposter soon rapidly turned to confusion, and then to deep debate.

[Best_at_Tech][@ADMIN]: “[Um.]”

[Premonition][@ADMIN]: “[I’ve never seen a prefix like that before.]”

[Thump_the_ground][@ADMIN]: “[It’s not a superuser. That prefix also doesn’t apply to anything in-system.]”

“[I mean, they could’ve changed superuser nomenclature given our new immigrants.]” mused [HotHotHeat][@Admin], automatically re-establishing the firewall from a few overeager server users attempting to crash the party early. “[Could it be someone from the floatilla? Maybe we had a spec-ops boy buzzing here in his free time?]”

“[Eeeehhhh.]” [Premonition][@Admin] said, copying the logfile again and unceremoniously ripping it apart for loose data. “[I don’t think so – they sure as shit don’t leave themselves logged in, and if that’s the case we’d all probably be getting some summons by now for cultural sensitivity and government reparations.]”

[Best_at_Tech][@ADMIN]: “[Uh.]”

[Thump_the_ground][@ADMIN] pulled at a loose thread, idly humming as he scanned the data again. “[Well. It’s new – this UUID hasn’t been seen before on this node. I could try pinging a few of our neighbors, but that’d take hours. Maybe armada, but not INT?]”

[HotHotHeat][@Admin]: “[But if that’s the case, then why not log out? It’s not li-]”

[Best_at_Tech][@ADMIN]: “[GUYS.]”

The other admins who were clustered around the logfile – as much as you can ‘cluster’ around a file – stopped their argument at [Best_at_Tech][@ADMIN]’s interjection.

“[Well?]” [Premonition][@ADMIN] said, spraying a few choice emojis at [Best_at_Tech]. “[What?]”

“[Turn… turn on your visuals. [Biffgrass_G7][@Admin] just got that back online.]”

[Thump_the_ground], [HotHotHeat] and [Premonition] paused for a moment as their implants went from a text-only ‘safemode’ to a full VR worldscape. AS there was nothing really made yet – as is the issue for new servers – it was just a floating void filled with a handful of default avatars, floating in no specific orientation and scattered about with no rhyme or reason. In the center of the avatar swarm, standing proudly and gray stood a single, lone human.

T-posing.

“[What.]”

“[See, that’s… that’s what I’m thinking too. Like. Ok, so this is our user who got swept, right?]” [Best_at_Tech][@ADMIN] said, the multi-tendriled sunspark motioning to the abandoned avatar. “[And defaults are defaults, but this is a new model [human] that’s a default avatar.]”

“[Ok, so, he’s a [cuddlefucker]? Makes sense for him to be here, I guess.]” [Thump_the_ground][@ADMIN] murmured, the Namptha ball mascot waving his comically large leaves in the nonexistent breeze. “[Also makes sense that he’d be part of the floatilla – I knew their system was full of ‘em, frozen hell it’s probably a requirement-]”

“[N-no. Look.]” [Best_at_Tech][@ADMIN] interrupted again, juxtapositioning the log file data with the avatar data. “[This comes from out-of-system, sure, with new indicators, ok. Might just be a regional dialect, for what it’s worth, but this is a default avatar. Look, see, we can pull the use data here.]”

“[So, a 5D Modeler?]”

“[This realistic?]” [Best_at_Tech][@ADMIN] said, waving her tendril around the human avatar’s face, contorting it into various expressions that may or may not actually exist. “[No. I think not.]”

[HotHotHeat][@Admin] shrugged, the tiny city turning it’s ‘gaze’ to study the default avatar’s data with more scrutiny. “[Alright, so this is a very detailed model – probably done with a body sca- oh. Oh.]”

“[Y-yeah.]”

“[No. I mean, ok, maybe, but no. No way.]”

“[Ok, we can test this super easily. Let me…]” [HotHotHeat][@Admin] concentrated for a few seconds, before rejoining chat. “[There, done. His ID is given elevated permissions. He can pass through the firewall while we’re still setting things up. At best, he knows we know he’s an SOCINT operator and we can start wiping data.]”

“[And if he’s not?]” Asked [Best_at_Tech][@ADMIN], smushing the avatar’s cheeks together.

“[No way.]”

Papa. That’s not how this works.”

Ricardo Aleman sat with his arms crossed, frowning at the map sprawled out before him. Around him – and really, scattered throughout the conference room were the rest of the Aleman clan; his wife and mother and his many many children. All of them were paying varying levels of attention to the map laid out on the table; some of the children eagerly adding their two cents as to what possibilities opened before them, some of them lamenting the hard work ahead. Land claims were already going quickly, with some families and companies doing their best to out-bid and out-promise resource extraction and use for what was considered “prime” real estate. This was all fine and well and good – if you’re a clothing designer, you want to be near the other retail shops to try to grab some of that exotic clientele. Ricardo, however, was a farmer. He had no use for Madison avenue storefront property; a simple farm-to-table shop would suffice, and hell, it could even be on the farm. Homegrown food always had a better taste that these kids just didn’t appreciate nowaday-

“Papa. You’re monologuing again.”

“Well then let me do so in peace, Luzita. Honestly, where I picked is perfectly fine and perfectly affordable; 100 acres, a slow, shallow river runs right through it, it’s in a slight valley that apparently doesn’t flood – that’s the good earth. We could set up the machinery within a month and get the rocks out of the soil in a season – if there even are any.”

“Yes, and I get that Papa, but that land’s not for sale.”

Ricardo lifted his hat, running his calloused fingers over his thinning hair. “And why not? What the fuck do I have use for being right up near the city?!”

Luciana sighed, tapping the map on the table. The reactionary cloth switched overlays, parts of the inland park showing up in greens, yellows, blues and reds. “Because there’s no services out there-”

“It’s a farm.”

“-and planet mandate is that all dwellings have to be connected to water, fire suppressant, power, communications and monitoring. That infrastructure isn’t out there, and we’re not planning on building it out there for another decade or two – and that’s not counting the wild animals that lived in the park and have to be relocated-”

It’s a farm. There are going to be animals. This is what a farm is.”

“Papa, I’m not making the rules here – there’s 50 acres on the same river 30km closer to the city, and we can afford that.”

“It’s bad land.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re not getting your way!”

“I’m just saying that because I know good earth when I see it, and that’s going to be nothing but hardpack and bedrock! Being so close to the city is going to do nothing but spook and stress any livestock we do end up getting, and we won’t be able to plant if-”

“Papa, it’s not for sale-”

“Then we just TAKE IT.” Ricardo yelled, frustratingly sweeping his hand across the map. “All this land is for us, and it’s not being used – because why? Because some city planner I’ve never heard of and who’s never been outside of the four blocks around his apartment thinks he knows best?! Because trying to escape the crush of people at home means we have to pack ourselves in tightly here?! We land on this planet, we take our machinery, we go and we homestead and fuck the consequences! Homesteader laws have to exist out here-”

“Look, I’m not a lawyer. I don’t know, ok?! I’m just trying to do my best-”

“Well try harder!Ricardo growled, sitting back in his chair angrily. “You’re supposed to help us get the GOOD land, the land we can keep forever, that will provide forever!”

There was a pause as both sides caught their breath, and a sense that battle lines would be drawn – and they would’ve been, between parents and children, between father and daughter, between the Alemans and the Silver City Immigration Bureau, if it wasn’t for a well placed cough and the comment that came after.

Mrs. Sofia Aleman quietly, almost as an afterthought and almost to herself, said that she wouldn’t mind living next to a city for once, and that it’d be good for the children to find people their own age. If anything, the comment was simply to the elderly matron sitting next to her than to the table or the room itself, but in the pause of Ricardo’s ego the words carried.

Abuela agreed.

And so Ricardo bought the bad land.

“Whew. Sport, that was one hell of an adventure!” Jonathan said, shimmying out of the 8th century Kimono he acquired during that radiator leak on deck 7. “But I’m glad we got through it all relatively unscathed.

“Beep!” went the roomba, canister filled with dirt and dust from the hallway.

“Yeah, yeah. Wiseass. But you weren’t singing that tune when the shark dragged you into the aquarium tank!”

“Beep!” went the roomba as it found it’s docking station, connecting itself to be recharged and cleaned.

“Ah well. Hey, is it alright if I, yanno-?” Jon said inbetween the wet sucking sounds of the vinyl clown sticker camouflage peeling off his chest and sides. “Cause it’s been an hour or two and I gotta feed the addiction.”

The roomba’s power button glowed, but it’s googly eyes said “yes”. Jon nodded sagely at those wise words and flopped onto his bed, body naturally sprawling out to optimum shitposting position.

Gloves on, visor on, alien-navigation-that-just-makes-no-sense on…

Jon reconnected to the server with a happy little ping, but instead of seeing a horde of shitposters fighting the good fight, there was… nothing.

Just a white, empty void.

“[AEIOU?]” [JOHN MADDEN] said curiously, the white void causing him to lose focus.

“[OH SWEET ALL-GOD YOU EXIST.]”

[JOHN MADDEN] turned towards the voice, seeing nothing but a very tentacly star wiggling at him. “[Oh, we’re doing that kind of shitposting now? Don’t tell me you’re a navfag.]”

“[UH. UH. UH.]”

Jon frowned at the noise coming from somewhere behind him. “[I better not… turn around and see you doing whatever the fuck you’re doing.]” [JOHN MADDEN] warned, spinning to see what looked like an Oddish just… vibrating.

[JOHN MADDEN]: “[What.]”

[Thump_the_ground][@ADMIN]’s avatar blinked, eyes unfocusing as the user behind the avatar scanned through reams of real-time data. “[UH.]”

“[Listen you fuck I’ll go topdeck and fite you.]” [JOHN MADDEN] threatened, ‘kneeling’ to be eye-level with the weird avatar. “[Stop jacking off on-mic. We have – well, had – an entire arena for you to do that in. Speaking of, where’d it go? I had the highscore last time I checked-]”

“[You’re human.]”

“[Yeah, no shit?]”

[JOHN MADDEN] furrowed his brow as he was surrounded by various other avatars of odd and confusing design, all of them slowly reaching out and poking him – as if to check that he was real.

“[… look, I’ll be your cult leader but I am going to make it a sex cult and it’s gonna be a weird one-]”

“[How… how?]”

[JOHN MADDEN] shrugged. “[Usually through indoctrination and various forms of abuse.]”

“[No.]” [Best_at_Tech][@Admin] said, changing from a tendril’d sun into generic Karnakian Avatar `60ew0086. “[How… are you, here.]”

[JOHN MADDEN] stared into the eyes of an avatar he’d never seen before – one super detailed, hyper realistic, and most likely based on real-life body scans. There was a pause of all of a few seconds before [JOHN MADDEN]’s body went ragdoll again, a few choice expletives picked up on the mic and the sound of a headset hitting the wall before disconnect.

Categories
They are Smol Stories

They are Smol – and It’s a Smol World: Chapter 6

It is said everyone knows – in the way that “everyone” knows things – that liquor, tortilla/potato chip and porno sales skyrocket before a bad storm. You know the type of storms, the ones that are guaranteed to knock out power? Where the weatherman comes on and tells you this is a bad one, to shelter or leave the area, etc., etc.? See, liquor, chip and porn sales skyrocket before a bad storm because there’s not much to do in a blackout other than drink, snack and uh… well. Entertain yourselves in the way and manner that all mankind has done since the discovery of genitalia.

However, since babies tend to come whenever they damn well decide to, we can only hazard a guess – you talk to the maternity ward of a hospital or to professional midwives and sure, they’ll say there are baby “seasons” but to pin it down to a specific time or tie it to a specific hurricane or storm system… that’s ridiculous. This is why it’s one of those “everyone” knows facts; for the majority of modern human history there was no way to really tell if this was a fact or not.

It is also said in a way that “everyone” knows, that when you have no work you tend to slow down and enjoy things more often – as long as there’s no impending threat to your livelihood, of course. If you’re let go or get fired, but you can and do get a job lined up in a week or two, you’ve got a mini-vacation. Go to bed late, sleep in, have a day trip here or there and enjoy the family you have. Sure, that might lead to some more… extracurriculars, seeing as how you’re spending more time at home, but again – “everyone” knows that happens (but can’t prove it), and it’s to be expected.

Luciana Aleman believed that she, her 17 siblings, and her couple hundred immediate relatives were the perfect, living proof that “everyone” was absolutely fucking correct.

After the Great Clusterfuck, there was no power outside of major city centers for quite some time. Almost every Maternity ward in the world (and some offworld, if you’d believe the stories of being at overcapacity) now actually had the data to back up an almost literal, biblical flood of infants being born roughly 9-11 months after everything went to utter shit. The ones that came early were, of course, the “we’re gonna die so might as well” and the ones that came later were the “we’re out of rubbers but eh”. Her Grandfathers and Grandmothers were somewhere in the middle of that wave, but none of her Great-grandparents would tell and the Catholic Church didn’t really care as long as they went to mass and were baptized on time.

Then came the fabricators and the almost nonexistent demand for blue-class jobs. Sure, if you were a master electrician or welder or something you were fine, but her Grandfather was a migrant sharecropper, like his father before him and his father before him. If the Americans weren’t planting crops (and they weren’t at the time) then you don’t have much to do…

And so, over the couple decades it took for everyone to pull themselves together, her Great-Grandparents ended up gracing the earth in the traditional way, and Luciana was happy to count on 8 Great-uncles and 11 Great-aunts in her immediate family, which of course led to another 27 uncles and 35 aunts – not inclusive of her father and mother. Her parents apparently took a look at the size of their immediate family and considered it a challenge.

Luciana was the first shot in the subsequent and impromptu baby war amongst the Aleman clan. She came first, then a couple of her cousins were born, and then everything kinda just got out of hand. Luciana was joined by Martin, but then her uncle Sebastian – the first uncle Sebastian, not the second – had triplets and well…

Well it’s not like Papa Ricardo was gonna stop. At this point, the cost of living was so low, and Sofia is a beautiful lady, and they’ve got power and A/C and 150,000 on-demand channels and all the comforts of modern living and Abuela demands sacrifice

So after Martin came the first set of twins, Mia and Catalina. Then Thomas, Gabriel, Joaquin and Andres, Zoe, Ana Sofia – the last of the girls – and then something happened and it was all boys after that. Juan Pablo, Juan Diego, Juan Jose, Juan David, Juan Sebastian, Juan Manuel, Juan Martin and little Juan Esteban.

Come to think of it, that something might have been her father ascending to lifelong dad-jokehood, because as he would say later in his life “If you’ve seen Juan of my boys you’ve seen ‘em all.”

Luciana smirked at her reflection in the port-side “window”, the green-gray planet hanging lazily below them. ‘At least my name isn’t a dad joke.’ She mused, using an idle thought to ping her implant about the new world she was orbiting. It’s name was “Gentle Expanse”, but “Green Fields” or “Quiet Meadow” might have been a better translation. Even after all these years and universal updates, things still were a bit wonky with the matrixes – and it really didn’t help that language kept evolving, especially human language. There were your traditional derivatives, sure, but now an entire ‘star-farer’s lexicon’ to add to the mix. Silver City translated well enough; you build a silver mine, and then a city to support the mine. Done and done.

What was really intriguing was the fact that they were going to be building a city-within-a-city. The SC planning board basically gave them unfettered and heavily deregulated permits to build… whatever they wanted to do. Whereas most people back home who were getting sick of there being so many people signed up in a heartbeat, they were more the city-living type to begin with; architects, scientists, coffee drink engineers, manbun archivists – you know the type. Her father took one look at the list of people who applied, simply put “farmer” in occupation, and now…

Now here she was, taking a decade off from her second PHD in Geochemistry to help her father find the “good earth” to start planting.

“Luci?”

Luciana turned from her musings and smiled, waving at her Abuela. “Hey there Abi! Sorry, are we already going down?”

Isabella nodded – well. She was nearing 130, so her “nod” was more of an upper-body-wiggle, but it got the message through. “Mmm. Your father has finally settled on a few acres of land he wants to work on, so we’re going to be taking a ship down in the next week or so.” Isabella leaned forward into her granddaughter’s kiss, the much taller woman leaning down to gently touch the old woman’s forhead. “And with that trip down, you could find yourself sitting next t-”

“Abi.”

Isabella scrunched up her nose, looking up at her granddaughter. Her single granddaughter. Her single, 40 year old Granddaughter. “All I want is for you to be happy, Mi Luzita.”

Luciana sighed internally. “Abi. I’m onto you – all you want are more great-grandchildren.”

“All I want are some great-grandchildren, yes! You’re the eldest, you should lead by example!”

Abi. I know for a fact that I have nieces and nephews back home.”

“Yes.” Isabella said, matter-of-factly. “Back home. Not here.”

Luciana laughed, patting her grandmother on the back as they turned towards the exit door from the observation gallery. “So what, if the great-grandchildren aren’t near you they don’t exist?!”

Isabella looked up at her, a twinkle in her eye. “Shroginder!” She said, knowingly, as the door slid shut. The elevator pinged softly, and the two of them began to move down… and to the left.

“Abi, you know that’s not how this works.”

“Beh!”

Luciana rolled her eyes, adjusting her grandmother’s shawl. “Well. I’m certain you’ll work your grandmotherly ways and I’ll end up with a husband and 400 children, but that’s after I get you and papa settled. There’s no need for you to cause a scene when we land-”

“I do not cause scenes.” Isabella said, straightening up to her fearsomely hunched over height of ‘somewhere around 5’nothing’. “I cause memories.”

The Jornissian was screaming.

The Jornissian was screaming, trapped in his house, as the intruders advanced, and there was nothing he could do. He had already expended all the ammunition in his weapon, he had thrown any physical objects he could get his hands on, but nothing would stop their march forward. Cornered in his room – trapped – and facing death, he screamed.

smol humans T-posing to assert dominance around a cornered snek

The warmcuddles around him had assumed the dominance position, and the raw energy they were channeling was unstoppable.

[willows_and_towers]: “[LEAVE ME BE I PAID MY OXYGEN TAX-]”

[JOHN MADDEN]: “[JOHN MADDEN. JOHN MADDEN. JOHN MADDEN.]”

[Stole_yo_girl_and_dumped_her]: “[MOON IS MOON IS MOON IS MOON IS MOON]”

[BEP BEP BEP]: “[L_L_L_L_L_L_L_L_L_L_L_L_L-]”

Jonathan was having an excellent day. So lost in the deepest lore of this shitposting server he spent days – nay, weeks in the VR chat, taking breaks only to eat, sleep or use the pee bottle roomba. He had taken turns in other free bodies (the snake ones being the weirdest ones) and had happily shared his own model to the server, starting the JohnMadden Johneymen shitposting clan (which now numbered in the dozens and was therefore, unstoppable). Currently they had cornered a newbie who foolishly joined the human-only server in a non-human avatar, and must be shown the error of their ways.

Look, he didn’t make the shitposting rules (technically, nobody did) – he just enforced them.

[willows_and_towers]: “[NO STEP! HAIL FREEDONIA!]”

[willows_and_towers] [DISCONNECTED]

[willows_and_towers] [JOINED]

[willows_and_towers: “[WHWHWHWHWHWHWHWHWHWHWHWHWHWHWHWHWHWH]”

The four humans T-posed at each other for a few more minutes before the walls melted away as a replica zephyr station fell from the heavens and killed everybody. Jon nodded in approval on his bed, the alien feeling of actually moving for the first time in a couple hours causing his neck to lock up.

“Ack, fuck.”

[Stole_yo_girl_and_dumped_her] turned to Jon, disconnecting all his joints to flop about in concern. “[You alright?]”

“Yeah, yeah-” Jon grunted as he sat up, the sudden lack of insulating bedding causing him to shudder as his damp body was kissed by the relatively cool air. “Fuck. I gotta shower.”

“[Showers are a myth invented by Ghengis Kahn to sell eggs.]” [BEP BEP BEP] helpfully added, growing his feet and shrinking his body to get into connection with his obvious hobbit ancestry.

“Real talk it was the Egyptians all along. Fucking furries.” Jon murmured, reaching up to tilt his VR helmet up. The admittedly dim artificial light of his quarters hurt his eyes, and he screwed them shut in self-defense. With a few subvocalized commands to his implant he went ‘AFK’, his physical avatar graying out as he peeled the visor from his face.

He could feel it peel away, and idly wondered exactly how long he’d been in. As his eyes adjusted to “real” light once more, he looked around his one-room abode; food wrappers scattered haphazardly on the floor, random stains of various fluids (again stop that it’s fanta) on the carpeting, the actual cleaning roomba screeching in the corner as a literal mob of piss-bottles fenced it in, the existential dread of knocking one of them over causing the robot to shake violently-

“Fuck. I gotta clean up too.”

[Stole_yo_girl_and_dumped_her] poked his friend’s body, his “hand” going right through [JOHN MADDEN]’s torso. “[He’s gone again.]”

[BEP BEP BEP] shrugged, now basically a head ontop of giant feet. “[And? He takes breaks all the damn time – probably on while at work.]”

“[Maybe.]” [Stole_yo_girl_and_dumped_her] mused, looking around for a new target for the shitposting clan to attack. “[Just seems odd, thou-]”

There was an alert that flashed across everyone’s vision, causing the whole server to stop dead in it’s tracks.

[Best_at_Tech][@ADMIN]: [MEMORY BUFFER PURGE INCOMING LEAVE NOW IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE TRACED TO DEFAULT.]

A quirk of galactic nodes is that they stored vast – and I mean, almost incomprehensibly vast amounts of data – and would send that data out in almost-real time to other nodes via quantum linking; basically, a bit would flip on one node that would flip on another node halfway across the galaxy, and this would write/read data instantaneously. It wasn’t a perfect science, however, and sometimes things needed to be resent. Therefore, it behooved every system to keep a couple-day or couple-week log of data sitting on the node on the off-chance something needed to be pulled again. This of course didn’t count the data that had to sit for longer (such as census data, tax data, etc.) on the off chance that a backup was needed from a few years ago.

Really, just think of it as a 2 month real-time moment-by-moment backup of the entire Internet and you’re starting to get an idea as to what I’m talking about in terms of scope and amount of data stored. Even though their memory capacity was vast it was not infinite, and sections would be wiped – purged – if they were deemed out of date or no longer necessary. The only parts that would be ignored (and logged as ignored) are the parts that were actively being used; Who was there, why they were there and what they were doing would be noted and logged in a government database for some policy wonk to review and figure out if the algorithm needed tweaking sometime in the next couple decades.

However, when you’ve created an arguably extremely illegal server on a government rack that exists to drain the pent-up excitement of shitposters hyped for their new human neighbors, you very much don’t want to be on that list. Hell, you don’t want anyone to even know that bit of server space was being used!

So, wordlessly the entire server – well, almost the entire server, logged right off and started to wipe their history. After the purge the same secret path to the same server location would exist, and the world could be rebuilt. Anyone who stayed online would be … still there when everyone came back, but their personal info would be stamped for everyone to see. It’s the death of anonymity, and the absolute last thing anyone wanted was that kind of blackmail to exist.

[Stole_yo_girl_and_dumped_her] cringed, externally, and looked at the AFK [JOHN MADDEN]. “[I’m sorry.]” he said softly, as he logged off.

Categories
Stories They are Smol

They are Smol – and it’s a Smol World: Chapter 5

Now in the movies, when a ship warps into a new star system they’re able to instantly come in at orbit of a planet, drop shields, deploy fighters, shoot guns, activate evasive maneuvers and all sorts of wonderful things that Hollybollywood would have you believe human starships can do. The real truth of the matter is that’s all bullshit. Once you warp into a system – even a well mapped system – you’re effectively blind until the EM spectrum can come back on and let you know who’s around you, where you are, and what the heck is going on, and almost most importantly, where the fuck is the system’s star. Although this takes milliseconds at most and nanoseconds at best, it’s still a delay.

So the real M.O. of any ship warping anywhere is to do so next to a pre-established buoy or marker of some sort, let your ship systems come back online, parse the data and then vacate the premises as quickly as possible. Although collisions can and do happen they are astronomically (hah!) rare, as space is vast, there are multiple entry points into any given system, legal ships radio ahead for the system’s Space Traffic Control to coordinate warp-out spots in spacetime and no good captain worth their salt sticks around on the off chance there’s an emergency warp coming in.

However, Reach was special.

I don’t mean that in a “Humanity uncovered in a few short decades answers to thousand year old technological riddles” kind of way, but in a “oh God we’re shipping families of a species that actually fits in the galactic census margin of error” and “I’ve heard the stories of what goes on in their R&D departments and if something goes wrong it will all be our fault” kind of way. When you have such precious cargo arriving at ludicrous speed, you tend to enact certain …overzealous safety measures. Reach and her escorts enjoyed a very close warp-in to Gentle Expanse, her multiple moons between sinking behind and cresting over the planet – on the off chance there were issues, rescue and repair was just a few minutes away, and everyone could be evacuated within an hour. Reach was also escorted by the Terran Combat Ships My Hand Slipped and La Chancla, as well as almost a dozen senate battle cruisers, logistics carriers, medical ships and a handful of dreadnoughts. Reach also enjoyed the dubious accolade of being the only escorted non-combat ship in 4,000 years to warp into a populated and mapped system and have absolutely no space traffic whatsoever cluttering up their EM broadcasts.

Like I said, Reach was special.

And so Reach, special, special Reach, sat just out of reach of it’s landing zone as various senate ships meandered throughout the system, re-re-re-mapping every navigational hazard, updating Galactic nodes, verifying the moratorium of new ship traffic with traffic control, setting up a defensive perimeter (cause you never know) and ultimately spending a couple extra hours blasting a few errant comets and meteorites that may have proved to be a problem to the colony in the next 780,000 years. The colonists aboard Reach weren’t too concerned about the delay – almost all of their excitement and time were spent pouring over geographical maps, reports of local flora and fauna, possible city layouts, connecting and setting up their own Galactic Net Node and other extremely interesting things that you, the reader, probably don’t want to know anything about. It was the navigational crew, the operations teams – and the military, especially, who started to go mad at just sitting there for hours, and then days as absolutely nothing of interest happened. When they finally did get the green light to move forward, it was only a 10 minute trip to orbit… and then the beginning of a multiple months-long stay as they unloaded their cargo.

Space travel, everybody.

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= = =

Ngruzren-of-Arzgr idly scrolled through his list of servers, logging into some, logging out of others, and making note of who was online and where. His tooth prosthetic was out, his clothing gone, and he was draped over a spherical beanbag in a way only the young (or those who are limber) are able to do. His eyes were glazed over, his tongue idly licking the gummy gap in his mouth.

= = =

[Stole_yo_girl_and_dumped_her]: [Who’s actually here?]

[Poet of Stars]: [Hey. Not joining us in Simulation?]

[Stole_yo_girl_and_dumped_her]: [Nah. I’m not up for it.]

[Poet of Stars]: [Fair enough – just know that you still have that whole black-heart default av.]

[Stole_yo_girl_and_dumped_her]: [What?! I swore I changed it-]

[Poet of Stars]: [Maybe on some other chatroom, but not globally. I mean, I don’t care, I’m just saying-]

[Stole_yo_girl_and_dumped_her]: [Fine, fine. I’ll hop in.]

= = =

Ngruzren-of-Arzgr frowned as he kicked in a few more subroutines with his implant, the embedded room computer taking on most of the processing load as he reached above and behind him, blindly pawing at the floor for a headset. Eventually – after a few groans, rolling over to actually search, and then realizing he was laying on top of his new pair all along – he put on the earpieces, a hard-light visor projecting perfectly over his eyes, ears and muzzle. He reached his arms out as he lay splayed on the floor, the room’s optics recording his position, marking it as “neutral” and building a world completely around him.

= = =

Ngruzren-of-Arzgr appeared, suddenly, in a wide open field with no atmosphere – the stars of his home system’s sky whizzing past him at ludicrous speed. The earth yawned open below him, breaking apart into various floating islands, twisted sculptures of art and geometry, and in one case a pen of [Night-Terror]-beasts, beating themselves impotently against the glass. He fell, and continued to fall, sighing as he passed rapidly through a solid carved-stone floor, through the dungeon below, and out the other side into the void.

He was, of course, not himself, which any sensible person would realize at this point. No, at this particular junction he was still his default offline persona, a night-rage beating black heart wreathed in ice and claw.

Ngruzren-of-Arzgr cringed internally at that description. It wasn’t a phase, it was simple experimentation, but… thank goodness he got past that as quick as he did.

[Stole_yo_girl_and_dumped_her]:”[Hey! I thought you fixed NoCollision! Ik’itili?!]”

[Poet of Stars] called out from somewhere and nowhere at the same time. “[No, she’s offline! And I don’t know – log out and change avs before you log back in?]”

[Stole_yo_girl_and_dumped_her] sighed, force-quitting the simulation chatroom. The sound and feeling of air whooshing over his body immediately stopped, and the expanse-less and featureless void that sat at the bottom of the map gave way… to his bedroom ceiling again.

Mentally switching avatars, Ngruzren-of-Arzgr logged back into the private server, no longer appearing at the zenith of the skymap but instead on the ground itself. [Stole_yo_girl_and_dumped_her] rolled his shoulders and fluffed his mane once more; He was a svelte gauntling, his blood-blue fur and skin glistening like thousands of droplets of frozen rain, or captive stars seen through a pane of ice. Teeth white as fallen snow, eyes a deep and mysterious black – but unlike the haggard and well, gaunt demons of yore, he was muscled. Fit. Proportioned in all the right ways to make the ladies notice hi-

[Stole_yo_girl_and_dumped_her] stopped his mental train of thought as a tiny-chomper stood before him, smiling with his tiny chompers. 

[Stole_yo_girl_and_dumped_her]:”[Wh. Uh. WHU.]”

The tiny-chomper shook his head disapprovingly. [Poet of Stars]:”[Oh no no. That’s not good at all. The correct greeting is ‘Hello! Pleasure to meet you!’ with an alternative ‘Do you need any help?’. Zero marks, go back to-]”

[Stole_yo_girl_and_dumped_her]:”[Wait, Swipressnssren?! How did – how did you get that model?!]”

[Poet of Stars] bowed dramatically – for a tiny-chomper, that is – and digitally ‘held out’ a file archive, which [Stole_yo_girl_and_dumped_her] accepted and began to download. [Poet of Stars]:”[Well, turns out our little tech diva knows a thing or to – or knows a few people – and somehow got a copy of some hard-light tiny-chompers. Tell me, do I look… familiar?]”

[Stole_yo_girl_and_dumped_her] shook his head, studying the alien before him. ”[No, I’d remember a tiny-chomper if I saw one…]”

[Poet of Stars]:“[Really?]” he said, suddenly making the avatar twist it’s features in fear. “[But life day will be ruined-]”

[Stole_yo_girl_and_dumped_her] groaned in voice chat and in real life, Ngruzren-of-Arzgr’s limbs going limp against the floor as he felt the life drain from his body.

[Stole_yo_girl_and_dumped_her]:“[Are you Kidding me?!]”

[Poet of Stars]:”[Nope. But the continued good news is that she also somehow got the randomization customization files as well, and the control behind it. You can customize your own tiny-chomper! And there’s also a server address…]”

[Stole_yo_girl_and_dumped_her] grinned as he dismissed his avatar, returning to the default ‘ball of light’, before running the package he was just given.

[Stole_yo_girl_and_dumped_her]:”[Whelp. There goes my evening.]”

Jonathan Protaganista was bored out of his mind.

Now, usually this would be cause for fear amongst his coworkers, his managers and, generally, everyone aboard whichever station he happened to be serving on at any given time. However, Jon was doing his best to stay out of trouble, out of the way, and most importantly, out of the spotlight. This wasn’t due to him turning over a new leaf at being selected/press-ganged into serving on Reach, which would undoubtedly put his name somewhere in the history books – probably near the bottom, in -50 typefont, if we’re being honest. No, he stayed out of the way and out of trouble and out of the spotlight for one very simple reason, which goes back to the most ancient of maritime law, and logically extended into the depths of space itself:

When the ship was away from port, the Captain’s word was law.

And although Jon could bullshit his way around his coworkers and his managers and generally everyone else who had no idea what he did but nodded sagely and made the appropriate knowing mouthsounds at bigly-sounding words, he could not bullshit a ship’s Captain who wanted to make history, his crew who were on a mission and a security team who could – and would! – throw him in the brig for weeks or months at a time.

The brig has no Wi-Fi, man. That’s inhumane.

So he sat in his room, day in, day out, only taking in what food his tamed herd of roombas would deliver to his door. His position was also basically outsourced; Jon was a master slacker above all things, and it wasn’t difficult to build a program and rewire a few robots to do his job in his stead. In regards to entertainment, Quantum communication was a thing, and the delay in getting the new media, news and art from home was measured in seconds as opposed to years. This was great for watching ‘the big game’, but absolutely terrible for gaming. Jon lives in a society, and that society put the millisecond latency he was used to in twitch shooters such as Cookie Clicker at the bottom of the “needs” bin.

And so Jonathan Protaganista was bored out of his mind. Although most games had a VR/AR switch, with his modest crew quarters and lack of a holodeck on the ship, he was forced to game by screen. Like an animal. When contextual clues that felt natural were reduced to indicator markers on the edge of that screen – it didn’t matter if it was wrap-around visor and in 32K, it still felt off. Stilted. So Jon did the next best thing a bored man can do alone in his room with a connection to the Internet.

No, not that. Stop that. Get your mind out of the gutter.

I am, of course, talking about shitposting. A few second delay is untenable for PVP or even PVE MMO games, but message boards? Text servers? That’s absolutely fine, man… If only he wasn’t banned from most of them. Turns out you can’t shitpost too hard when you’ve got a forced, fixed IIP ID.

“Server list… let’s see. Omnigender breathairians – banned. Karnakian Truthers – banned. Hollow moon theorists – banned. Flat-galaxy – banned. Mandatory Nanomachine Injections for US Senators – Ugh. There’s nothing fucking good left.” Jon murmured, his old haunts shunning him from his lack of VPN and proxy spoofs to hide behind. “Is there anything local I can do? Not like I’m fucking staying.”

His eyes tracked to various menu icons, his gloved hands gripping controllers to input and select text and icon choices. Eventually he connected to the ‘local’ GalNet node, his translation matrix working overtime to download a couple petabytes of data. Slowly, before his very eyes, unintelligible script formed words, then sentences, then inflection, meaning slowly sifting through byte by byte. After the translations loaded he completely ignored the welcome screen, the about section, and various other helpful and noble sites on his way to degeneracy.

Jonathan Protaganista was a master slacker, and he had various tricks up his sleeve to get to the “good” stuff. It wasn’t but a few weeks after a Galactic Node was established around Earth’s orbit decades ago that his spiritual lieges and slacker shaman ancestors put forth a titanic effort to crack, dismantle, hack, abuse, and shitpost furiously through all of the firewalls, botnet protections, and various other physical and digital protections put in place by his species’ benefactors.

Truth be told, they didn’t make it. They didn’t crack the GalNet node, but they pried it open just a little. Enough for some wiggle room. What tricks weren’t classified beyond ‘CIA blacksite visit’ were shared amongst slackers such as himself, and he was pleased to find that most nodes – or at least, the only other node he’s ever touched – seemed similar enough for him to root around in.

So he did.

“Porn, porn, vintage movies that I don’t care about, porn, games I can’t play, porn, financials of companies I don’t care about, porn, ah. FINALLY.”

Jon stumbled around the alien navigation, the same intuition that came to three races sharing millenia together completely lost on him. It took him a good 45 minutes just to find a server list, and even then all the options were either encoded or gibberish.

All but the one he joined.

== CHAT ENABLED ==

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[cuddle-me-now][DORMANT]

[LOUD_NOISES][ACTIVE]

[BbBbBbBbBbBbBbBbBbB][DORMANT]

[BURNING_MAN][DORMANT]

.

.

.

= = =

Jon smiled. The text that spilled past him – pouring past him in a speed almost too fast to see, was nothing but pure shitposting. Around him, a cacophony of noise; there was Roleplaying, conspiracy theories, random noises, people challenging others to duels, a few people with avatars running around completely naked-

These were his people.

He ported in his default avatar – a simple scan of his own body, he didn’t care – and walked right up to the nearest human being.

[JOHN MADDEN]:”AEIOU.”

The human, [Stole_yo_girl_and_dumped_her], turned and grinned, flailing his arms in ways that obviously broke every bone in ‘his’ body. “[BRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBR]”

And over the next four hours, a friendship was born.

Categories
Oneshot Stories They are Smol

They are Smol – AND INDEPENDENT

The glow flickered before his tired eyes, and Glenn smiled.

“And we have how many of these things?”

Jonathan looked at the clipboard tablet, scrolling through the declared items list. “About 5,000 of these for this station. We can hand out about 10 per employee.”

The glow changed to something a bit more frantic, sparks spreading across Glenn’s desk. He picked up the device and twisted it’s base – the sparks exploded out in more fury, coating his desk in white-hot light.

And only light.

“I’m absolutely astounded the aliens didn’t think of this. A hard-light sparkler.” Glenn twisted the base of the e-cigarette looking device the other way, and the sparkles condensed and abated until the tip was little more than a glow with some aspirations. “No chance of actual fire?”

“None. It only broadcasts a maximum of a foot in any direction; after that something fucky happens with the wavelength holding the hardlight together – hell, I don’t know, I’m not a luxologist or whatever they’re calling it – and it loses cohesion. Kinda fades away, but in a matter of miliseconds. But no heat.”

Glenn cupped his hand over the end and turned it up, the sparks casting a harsh enough light under his palm to illuminate through his skin – but other than a nice, dull and healthy red there was nothing. No pain, no force, even. Just pretty, pretty light.

“10 per employee? Let’s be honest here – we can triple that and just hand it to the few-”

– – –

“-AMERICANS and I WILL NOT HAVE MY CULTURE NEUTERED LIKE THIS.” Jessica ranted, holding 3 max-level sparklers between each finger like wolverine, pointing them accusingly at the filthy britbong colonizer before her.

“Jessica, look.” Mike said, sighing. “We can’t have explosives on the station-”

“Not with that attitude-”

“-it’s too much of a hazard-”

“No, not if you’re safe! I’ve only blown my fingers off like, three times, max, and the pinky finger doesn’t even count. It’s like an hour to reattach them if you can find most of it-”

“-You literally grabbed the sparklers out of the box, lit as many as you could, and started to throw them around the break room.”

Jessica narrowed her eyes at her erstwhile friend and colleague. “America.”

“That- ugh.” Mike sighed, rubbing his eyes. “That’s. That’s literally the point-”

“What happened to you, Mike?” Jessica said, softly, her ever-sparkling wolverine claws lowering to her sides. “You used to be… well. Mike. Is it because Shaggy-”

“Her NAME was Sheila, and no. That’s not it at all.” Mike said, crossing his arms. “And look, we’re just taking a break, alright? I mean… sure, I need to start pulling my weight a little bit more, and I should have a direction in my life by now, but, I mean. It’s not like …”

The two of them stood in the breakroom, looking at each other for a few moments before Mike broke eye contact. “Look. Doesn’t matter. Point is this is what you get – and hell, it’s not like half the world doesn’t celebrate independence from Britain at some point in the year, so, it’s not that spec-”

“Michael J. Fox, I swear to you on everything I hold dear, I will end you if you end that sentence.”

“First, that’s not my name, second, we also became independen-”

Jessica threw her hands up, the sparklers casting a menacing backlight as she cried out in exasperation. “You wrote a strongly worded letter like, 300 years after you were founded. You don’t fucking COUNT.”

“Yes we do.” Mike responded matter-of-factly. “And we don’t care. This is what you get for celebrations; try not to destroy too many of them – other employees on the station want to celebrate their own holidays too.” And with that, he turned on his heel and stormed out, foolishly turning his back on the rabid hard-light-casting wolverine with too-much free time. This was his first mistake.


And he symbolically turned his back on America too, so. That’s his second mistake.


America.


– – – – –

Rgrezneh-of-Hrzgaren sighed as she hand-counted the boxes from Elevator Cargo Transport 11-C, making marks on an extremely archaic paper clipboard. The Tiny-chompers demanded that everything be double-checked – even when that double-checking happened on the ground, by drone, by scanned computer and a half-dozen other algorithms and automated systems – but it was their culture and their systems and if she had to do it to stop ‘the rise of Cargonia’ (whatever that is) then she had to do it.

Rgrezneh-of-Hrzgaren also took a bit of a guilty pleasure in taking her time counting the boxes; it was an active warehouse, after all, so she was surrounded by a dozen or so other tiny-chompers at any given time, along with their helper drones and other senate members. Every so often she would share a knowing look with her colleagues – usually when one of them were hover-handing around a tiny-chomper as it climbed a shelf or rode a drone because “it’s quicker this way”.

“{Mmm. Crate 11-C-418. Stable Magnesium, copper chloride, potassium nitra-}”

“[Hey!]”

Rgrezneh turned around before looking down a half second later, a [human] female standing before her, a large cylindrical bag hanging off her shoulder. “[Hi!]”

“{Oh! Hello, uh…}”

“[You can call me tiny-chomper eagle-screm – at least, everyone else does. I was uh, wondering something.]”

Rgrezneh put on her best “I’m interested” look, but behind that mask her mind was racing. It was an open secret that the tiny-chompers would… attempt to get the upper hand on negotiations whenever they possibly could, and the things they would usually ask for would seem innocent at first pass.

Key words there being “seem innocent”.

“{Yes?}”

“[Well. I was simply wondering, uh. I know you help manage the incoming supplies from Dirt and I know you’re probably busy and I was just hoping-]”

“{I will not let any tiny-chomper have ‘first dibs’ on what comes up from Dirt. I don’t need that lecture. Again.}”

“[No, no – nothing like that. I was just curious – Is that the metalworking and industrial powder shipment headed towards [Bright Riser before the Dawn]? The droneship test?]”

Rgrezneh thought for a moment: A human she has never seen asking an almost innocent question about a shipment headed towards one of their inner planets. There was nothing classified about what was happening on the world, the ship was an unmanned drone carrier on a well-plotted and public transit, the containers held nothing but common and semi-processed materials worth a credit per half-dozen kilos, and everything within the containers was inert.


Something terrible was going to happen.


“{I’m… sorry, who are you? I don’t see you in Warehouse yellows-}”

“[Oh! I’m just uh, walking through, you know how it is. Stretching the legs.]”

“{You said you were… Eagle-screm?}” Rgrezneh questioned, pulling up the personnel reports with her implant and keying in the tiny-chomper name into the identification database. ”{. . .The same Eagle-screm that is floppy-nap’s friend?}”

“[You know floppy-nap? Are you Rgrezneh?]”

Rgrezneh blinked. “{Y-yes?}”

Eagle-screm narrowed her tiny eyes at the much larger female, and although there was absolutely no way the tiny-chomper could physically hurt the Dorarizin, her body subconsciously tensed to be on the receiving end of a pounce. “[Woman… what did you do to the male?]”

Rgrezneh was taken aback, tucking the clipboard under her arm. “{I… if you’re interested in him as a mate-}”

It was Eagle-screm’s turn to physically flinch backwards, causing Rgrezneh to mirror her movement slightly. “[What?! Agh, NO. No, just – he used to be fun and now he’s like… actually doing his job and stuff.]”

“{Well isn’t that a good thing? Shouldn’t he be trying to make his system and the galaxy a better place?}”

“[I guess…]” Eagle-screm said, wrapping her arms around herself in what Rgrezneh recognized was a self-soothing gesture. “[I just… think he’s doing it for the wrong reasons, yanno? Like, to get you back or something-]”

Rgrezneh sighed. “{Look, your Year-End celebration was special, and I enjoyed my time with floppy-nap, but… I mean. I just don’t see a future with him, you know? I’m all for stability, but when it’s just sleeping, eating and – cuddling, it gets old.}”

“[Mmm. Well. I’m not here to play matchmaker, but I will say that’s a very dumb reason to drop someone.]”

Clearing her throat, Rgrezneh stood up to her full height. “{Yes, well. My reasons are my own, and I certainly don’t need to be lectured by someone I just met about matters of the heart. Now, what in the five packs do you want? Tell me or get out – I don’t even think you’re supposed to be here.}”

Eagle-screm smiled. Rgrezneh did not like this smile.

“[Well. It’s my people’s independence day celebration coming up, and we received a shipment of these from Dirt-]” Eagle-screm pulled out a small, battery operated something and turned it on. Immediately the tip began to glow, and a small fountain of deteriorating hard light shells spewed out of it in an omnidirectional haze. “[You can check them for yourself, but they’re approved for the station for celebrations. I realized that some of my colleagues on [Bright Riser before the Dawn] may not have anything like this, so I was hoping to just add them to the shipment. Maybe a dozen or so – you can check with Stationmaster Tiny-Chomper Astral-projecting-out-of-his-body-because-he’s-done-with-everything, but they’re inert and safe for transport.]”

Eagle-screm put the tiny battery-powered light diffuser in Rgrezneh’s paw, the small thing almost disappearing as the Dorarizin closed her hand around it. “{I mean… I’ll have to check, but. The drone won’t be leaving for another day, and – when is your celebration?}”

“[Tomorrow.]”

“{It won’t get there.}”

“[I know.]” Eagle-screm shrugged. “[But as my people say, ‘better late than never’. I just got these a day ago – or today? I don’t know, time is… weird up here.]”

“{If you’re missing time that means you need more sleep, tiny-chomper.}”

Eagle-screm rolled her eyes in a sarcastic manner. “[Gosh, MOTHER. Thank you for your concern. I’m just asking, is it alright if I pack this and add it to the shipment?]”

An innocent request. Everything approved – darkest hells, manufactured to safety specifications. Everything would be scanned, in triplicate, and packed safely.


Something terrible was going to happen.


“{I don’t… think I can allow this.}”

“[Why?]”

‘{Because I have a gut feeling and you tiny-chompers do shit like this all the time}’ Rgrezneh thought, sighing internally. “{There’s not enough space.}”

“[I checked the manifest – tiny-chomper hello-big-boots says you’re sending the drone out only 3/4 full.]”

“{Wasn’t he building a dispenser-}”

“[Yeah, I helped him with that and we just got to talking!]”

Rgrezneh chewed her cheek in worry. “{I don’t have the table capacity to pack these properly-}”

“[Already done.]”

“{. . . You’ll need to get the package scanned-}”

“[Alrea-]”

“{I will need to scan the package.}”

“[Ok!]” Eagle-screm said, hefting the bag from her shoulder to the ground. She unzipped it and struggled slightly to pull out a large (for her) octagonal tube, already sealed with various ‘approved’ stickers, declaring the contents inside and by which inspector approved what part of the contents. Rgrezneh picked up the light container, hefting it in her hand as she turned it over to examine.

“{…what’s the padding?}”

“[Well, around each sparkler are hardpacked aluminum-magnesium shells. Hello-big-boots and I figured it would make more sense to pack them in material the colony would need anyway, killing two birds with one stone[Trans:: Idiom?]]”

“{Alright… interesting choice. Follow me please.}” Rgrezneh said, turning and loping slowly to a contraband station. She took some pleasure in hearing the fast-walking-almost-jogging padding of her suspicious visitor, Eagle-screm breathing hard to match pace.

The two of them reached the standalone island table, the new package addition being placed on the glowing pad. Immediately a few small mechanical arms popped out of the table face, pressing themselves against the packing shell itself. Sonar, radar, lidar and various other -ars pulsed through the arm, giving anyone whose implant was attenuated to the device a full view of the inside of the package.

Tubes. Tubes packed in aluminum and magnesium, densely and tightly wrapped together in what looked like… simple cellulose fibers, coated with a binder. Sure, there was a little void on the front and back, but that was to be expected given how tiny-chompers did… anything. The spectrogram began to read off the various ingredients inside – aluminum, magnesium, sulphur, silicon, lithium, cellulose, oxygen, iron-

Inert. Inert. Inert. Her implant, almost boringly so, tagged each ingredient as inert, given their positions and compositions within the container. Sure, Lithium and Di-hydrogen Monoxide were an explosive combination together, but when separated by iron and aluminum – not so much.

“{This is just a normal package.}”

“[Uh. Yeah.]”

“{. . . Who put this together?}”

“[Me, Hello-big-boots, Tiny-chomper Cave-Moon-gel.]” Eagle-screm said, innocently.

Rgrezneh’s hackles were fully risen, her fur was standing on end, there was something not making sense but for the life of her she couldn’t pin it with her claws. The cold feeling in her stomach grew to numb her limbs, and with a thought the table shut down.

“{I guess… I’ll put it in the shipment.}”

“[Great! It’s already labeled, so. It should wedge in pretty nicely.]”

“{Yeah.}”

The two of them looked at each other for a moment.

“{……well?}”

“[OH! Right, ok, see ya!]”

And the tiny-chomper, totally innocently, breaking no rules and doing nothing underhandedly, going through the proper channels, with no criminal history or reprimands for vandalism, theft and/or violence, slipped a completely innocent and innocuous care package onto a drone ship headed out the very next day.

Rgrezneh did not sleep until it left the station.

– – – – – – –

The Jornissian looked up from her book as a familiar chirp interrupted her thoughts. Coming up to her slowly was a very familiar Karnakian. “[Hey Tr’Grakz.]”

“[Greetings, Shpressnrek! How do you fare today?!]”

The Jornissian shrugged, putting a marker in the borrowed human book she was reading. “[Pretty good. I was told by a few of the [Humans] to hang out here – glad to see you made it as well.]”

The Karnakian almost full-body bobbed up and down, a 1000% eager smile spreading across his features. “[Yes! Apparently the [American] territory is celebrating it’s independence today – I was told to show up here as well to partake in the festivities!]”

The door opened again, and a few more Dorarizin, Karnakians and Jornissians wandered in, pulling up seats or just taking in the scenery of the planet below them. Shpressnrek leaned in close – which is easy to do when your whole body is a spine – tilting her head to the open door. “[You’re… recording all this, I trust?]”

“[Me?!]” The Karnakian said, shocked. “[Why, I would never! I also would never make them available on Galnet Node 714-B, Under 118.4JB-22./966. Ever.]”

“[Very good.]” Shpressnrek smiled. “[I’d also hate to add my own footage to such a place, if it ever were to exist-.]”

The door opened again, this time filling in with various warmcuddles and little-needs-protectings. The two friends nodded at each other and separated, the Jornissian making herself presentable and the Karnakian… apparently scaling the sheer wall in order to ‘not be in the way’.

To their credit, none of the Humans even flinched as the Karnakian gouged talon-holds in the aluminum. Whether they were chalking it up to cultural difference or ‘it’s that feathery fuck again’, we will never know.

“[Hello, Shpressnrek.]”

The Jornissian turned around – again, super easy to do when you’re just a spine with ambition – and nodded her head in greeting at her Dorarizin friend. “[Rgrezneh! Good to see y- you look terrible.]”

Rgrezneh shrugged, unceremoniously sitting down next to her friend. “[Yeah. No sleep, just… You ever have a [Human] come up to you and-]”

“[Oh by Hsresh-who-shepherds-the-lost, what happened.]”

“[Nothing.]”

“[Oh no.]”

“[I know.]”

The Jornissian started to look around, her implant pinging a few of her colleagues with a Code Gray. A few more heads of various races were suddenly on swivels.

“[What happened. Tell me exactly what happened.]”

“[I put an approved, scanned, inert package on a drone ship to [Venus] at the behest of [Jessica], who has no record at all.]”

“[Oh no.]”

“[I know.]”

“[Where is this ship now?]”

“[Bearing 224.]”

Shpressnrek paused for a moment, her mouth moving in a subvocalized speech as she tapped into a network that Rgrezneh could only speculate at. Each person that was stationed here had their own; ways of getting messages to allies, of pulling strings, of setting events in motion. In other instances, this would be for intelligence and counterintelligence gathering, sabotage and subterfuge. Around Earth, however, the mission of every network was much more simple:

Protect these little idiots, and please, to whatever deity is listening, don’t let them blow themselves up. Again.

“[…Alright. I have someone who’s nesting with a tower control operator. She’s got an override.]”

Rgrezneh’s face soured a little. “[Isn’t that… a bit cruel, though?]”

“[Do you have any idea how many times they’ve already almost defaced their moon? And not in the ‘emergency landing splat’ level of defacing, but in the ‘I have a maser powered by a ship’s engine and no atmosphere or oversight to stop me’ level?]”

“[No, I mean-]”

“[Fifteen. Fifteen times, this past year alone.]”

“[I’m not talking about that – I mean, your colleague nesting with the [Human]. Isn’t that kind of cruel?]”

Shpressnrek tilted her torso, keeping her eyes level with her friend. “[What?]”

“[Just. Are you getting close to the [Human] because you care for them, or is it to be in a position to leverage them?]”

Shpressnrek stared, hard, for a moment, before sliding down into herself. “[Ah. This is about [Mike].]”

“[ . . . ]”

The Jornissian sighed – or just hummed, it’s hard to tell even when translators worked flawlessly between the two ancient species – and picked at a couple errant scales. “[I’m not going to deny that it happens, sure, but in this case I don’t think so. It’s always a case-by-case basis.]”

“[So how do you know?]”

“[I mean. I figure that’s up to you. If you have thoughts that you’re using [Mike] for his position, and are ashamed of that thought, then I’d venture to say that you do actually like him. If you didn’t, then you wouldn’t care that he loves you.]”

Rgrezneh stared long out the window, small specks of light dancing on shipping lanes only their AIs could see. “[I guess.]”

“You guess what?”

The two aliens – apex predators, both – full-body tensed in surprise, rounding on the human who had dared to just… walk up to them like that!

“[Mike!]”

“Y-yeah?!” Mike said, arms up in a vaguely ‘I should probably try to protect my face’ kind of way. “I uh – I hope I’m not interrupting anything, but I just… wanted to say hi, is all. Um.”

The Dorarizin and the Human stared at each other, silently.

“Did you get-”

“[I saw that-]”

They both stopped, then smiled. “You first, please.”

“[I saw that you, ah, have been putting in a lot of work recently. That’s good, [Mike].]” Rgrezneh said, softly. “[I’m glad to see you’re pulling your weight.]”

“Oh! Y-yeah, I uh. I figure as one of the people who run this joint, I should probably get my act together. Um. So. So that’s what I’ve been doing.”

“[It’s… good! It’s actually very good, and… well. I’d love to help you -OH SWEET ANCESTORS NO.]”

Mike and Shpressnrek turned to look at what had immediately derailed Rgrezneh’s train of thought. Shpressnrek immediately started to furiously whisper something to herself, but Mike just shrugged and waved Jessica over.

“Eyo!”

“EYO YOURSELF, YOU FUCKING LEAF.”

Rgrezneh growled, but Mike just sighed. “That’s… normal. For Americans.”

“[The sparkling red, white and blue clothing?]”

“Yes.”

“[The hard-light sparklers taped to every part of her body-]”

“Yes.”

“[The – is that a kinetic weapon?!]”

“It better not be – JESS-”

DON’T TREAD ON M- oh goddamnit give that back to me-” Jessica whined, as a Karnakian pulled the freshly-printed long-rifle from her arms, holding it just up and out of her reach. It – and the station – was safe… as long as her high jump remained weak.

“…this is normal for Americans.”

“[All of them?]”

“Yes. Well. Just this time of year. Or Memorial Day. Or when they get bored.”

The three station employees watched in silence as the American jumped a few times for the weapon, said something very rude to the Karnakian while giving him a kick in the jewels, and stormed over.

“Jessica, that was actually assault, and we’ll have to-”

“[Wait, [Jessica]?!” Shpressnrek murmured, a horrible dawning realization spreading across her features.

SHALL. NOT.

Mike rolled his eyes. “Yeah, and those rights are yours if you’re on your territory’s sovereign soil-”

“My Country’s fucking soil, Mike.” Jessica hissed, poking her finger a bit too roughly into the Canadian’s chest. “And everywhere I am is America.”

“[N-no. This is Zephyr Station 8.]” Shpressnrek helpfully clarified, nodding to herself.

“Am I here?”

“[Y…es?]”

Then this is America.” Jessica hooted, holding up her wolverine-sparkler hands in triumph. “AND YOU WILL ALL BOW BEFORE ME-

“Listen here, I don’t give a fuck! I’m tired of every year you people-”

“What do you mean you people-”

As Mike and Jessica began to fight, Shpressnrek made a furious set of calls. Whatever was on that drone ship had to be stopped, right now. A few moments down the chain and the confirmation came back – emergency stop, all engines reverse.

Shpressnrek shared a look with Rgrezneh. It was half “go get your man” and half “we’ve stopped the worst of it.”

It was at that point that a small, infinitesimal speck of the vast universe spread before the party-goers lit up like the fucking sun, in orange, blue, purple and green – the gas cloud of fire and dust spreading apart to be many dozens, if not hundreds of kilometers wide.

You see. When you full stop a droneship that has gravitational plates, momentum is conserved.

When momentum is conserved, you have a shifting of contents. Since everything is tied down and packed tightly, this isn’t too much of an issue.

But there’s a gap.

When you have a gap in an octagonal tube, the contents shift forward suddenly, rapidly. The cellulose bindings, lovingly coated in phosphorous sulfide, grind against the rough iron oxide interior of the container, causing, well.

Fire.

Fire and Magnesium/Aluminum are what traditional sparklers are made of.

Traditional sparklers burn hot enough to kickstart a thermogenic reaction between aluminum and iron oxide.

This combination of metals is known as Thermite.

And so the container made out of solid Thermite melted through the container below it, igniting the magnesium, copper chloride, potassium nitrate and the half-dozen other industrial metal powders that do thousands of things in the construction and metalworking industries.

But they also make some very pretty fireworks.

Mike stared, in awe and horror, at the expanding space-firework. “Jessica what did you d-”


“SHALL NOT”